Remember Me
by ZeroLuver567
Summary: Matthew Williams, tired of living in his twin brother's shadow, decides to end his own life in a last desperate attempt to get somebody to listen. Alfred, unable to cope with the loss of his brother,decides to make sure Matthew is remembered. Not Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**So I was on my way home from a competition, I had two hours to kill, a laptop and I got this idea. Yes I do realize that I have many other fanfictions to complete but this NEEDED to be written.**

**DaMikuOfAz: please don't kill me for this  
><strong>

**Also, PruCan fangirls, don't hurt me too much please! I really have no pairing except for USUK planned for this and Gilbert... well you'll find out his relationship with Matthew soon enough if you keep reading.  
><strong>

**Warnings: Character death, AU (in other words they are highschool teens not countries), and some (alot) of sadness. I have some Alfred caused pranks and possible hilarity planned for later chapters for those who can't take depressing stuff for too long. *raises hand***

**Now onward!  
><strong>

**Remember Me**

Summary: Matthew Williams, tired of living in his twin brother's shadow, decides to end his own life in a last desperate attempt to get somebody to listen. Alfred, unable to cope with the loss of his brother, finds himself sitting in offices more and more often for his unruly behavior. How far is Alfred willing to go to make sure his brother is remembered?

Chapter One: Matthew's letter

Matthew jerked his head up from where it lay on the desk as the loud ringing of the school bell assaulted his ears. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, swiping his blond hair out of his blue eyes. Pulling his backpack onto his shoulder and straitening his maple leaf sweatshirt he ambled out of the classroom to find his brother.

He had gotten no sleep the night before, due to the fact that his dad and his stepmom had been fighting again. Alfred, of course, had slept like a rock the whole time. Matthew figured he was used to it.

Matthew and Alfred had been separated at birth, due to the fact that their parents were not married and in order to prevent a large-scale custody battle Matthew ended up with his mother in Canada, Alfred spending his days growing up in New York City. They never met, never even knew of the others existence, until recently, when Matthew's mother died in a freak car accident and he was sent to live with his father and his family in America.

Matthew had only spent one year in the Jones' household, but he knew that things were tense. Alfred was the schools star athlete, exceling at every sport he played. Everyone expected their star quarterback to get a football scholarship and move on into college football. Matthew had overheard some of the shouting matches that had gone on between Alfred and his father, and none were pretty. His father wanted Alfred to do what everyone else seemed to want, spend his life being an athlete. Alfred, however, wanted to be a hero and join the military. His father would have none of it, claiming that fighting for the safety and freedom of America was pointless and not a worthwhile career choice for his son. Matthew disagreed, and personally thought his rich, arrogant father needed to get his head screwed on straight and think about who exactly was keeping him and his nation safe. Every time he tried to voice his opinion however he was ignored like usual.

Alfred tried to include his new brother at first, but soon stated pushing him away. He and his friends stopped including him in conversations, calling him "weird Canadian", or more often just flat out ignoring him. It made him feel like he was wearing Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility.

Alfred just went along with it, laughing with his friends, not willing to risk his popularity even to stand up for his shy, soft-spoken brother. At home, Alfred usually ignored him, or when they did talk, if you could even call it that, Alfred would go on about himself while Matthew pretended to listen.

Well he was sick of it, and he shouldn't have to live like this. No one ever noticed him.

They still wouldn't notice him if he was gone.

Matthew came around the corner that would take him to the place where he usually met Alfred, if he didn't forget, and instead of his brother, was staring at a large mob of girls.

"Hey, moose-lover!"

A male voice belonging to Gilbert Beilshmidt rose over the din, the girls parting revealing some of the schools resident jocks and hotties. Francis Bonnefoy,

a tall blond from France, smirked in his direction before pulling his girlfriend of the day down onto his lap. Antonio, an oblivious Spaniard, shot him a mischievous grin and threw his arm around the shoulder of his angry Italian boyfriend Lovino Vargas. Matthew looked around desperately, unsure of what was going on. He met the eyes of his brother. He was smiling kindly, but it didn't reach his sky blue eyes. Matthew felt his heart rate speeding up. What were they planning to do to him?

"You like syrup right?"

Matthew looked up at the tall German, excuse me, PRUSSIAN with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"Eh?"

"Eh? Awww how cute, NOT!" Gilbert grinned, his blood colored eyes glittering. He grabbed the shorter teen and proceeded to drag him over to the trashcan.

"Let go of me!" Matthew began to struggle but resistance was futile. They were nearing the can when Matthew finally locked eyes with his brother, "Alfred help me!"

For a moment Alfred looked conflicted, but his face cleared, an expression on his face similar to one a smart kid would wear if they were stuck in remedial classes. In a word, bored.

Matthew saw that getting through to his brother was going to be impossible and stopped struggling, closing his eyes as he was heaved upward and dumped headfirst into a trashcan filled with empty bottles of Aunt Jamima syrup.

_At least it wasn't real maple syrup_, " he thought before something sticky and warm hit his face.

Great, now they were going to drown him in syrup.

Having enough he tried to stand, however he ended up tipping the trashcan over and sprawling over the floor. Those present laughed, even Alfred. _Anything to keep his reputation with the popular crowds_, thought Matthew.

He stood up clumsily before, blinking back tears, ran out front doors and towards home.

He opened the door sadly, his dad wasn't home yet and his stepmom was at the grocery store if the note on the fridge was correct. She was probably out drinking with her newest boyfriend that Alfred and Matthew pretended to know nothing about, lest their father discover what his wife was up to. Alfred was at a friend's house and wouldn't be home until after Homecoming Dance, which was being held that night.

It was then that Matthew made his final decision on the matter. He wasn't going to live anymore.

He slumped up to his room, jumping into the shower to wash the syrup and grime out of his hair, thinking about what he was about to do and stalling for time to collect his nerves

He turned off the water, put on clean clothes and sat on his bed, holding a notebook close to him, pen poised on the paper.

And he began to write.

_ I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being ignored, sick of living in the shadow of a brother who doesn't even care that I exist. I'm sick of living in a dysfunctional house where I'm just a burden. I never wanted to be a burden. _

_ Things would be better if I were dead. I've been living in depression for too damn long. This has to end, and I don't know how to put a stop to it any other way. My mother's gone and my biological father who never wanted me…. Still doesn't want me. _

_ I give up. I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm friendless, no one is going to miss me. I just hope that when I'm gone, maybe people will start listening. _

_ All I want, is someone to remember me…_

_-Matthew Williams_

Matthew stared blankly at the page, then pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, revealing red, angry puckered scars. He wasn't sure when the cutting started, only that it was after he left Canada. He stared at them for a moment, remembering., debating on throwing the note away and cutting himself till his brother came home. Maybe he would apologize for not helping him out earlier.

And pig would fly and there would be world peace!

Yeah… right..

He stood, left the note on his bed, and went downstairs to his father's gun cabinet. His father had taught them all how to shoot, saying that no son of his was going to live their lives not knowing how to defend himself. He picked the closest handheld gun before he could lose his nerve and carried it upstairs. He left the cabinet door open, because it wouldn't matter anyways.

He sat down in his bed, taking deep calming breaths. This is what he wanted.

This was the best choice.

With that final thought he lifted the gun to his head, clicking it off safety.

ONE

TWO

THREE

He pulled the trigger.

***Cries***

**I'M SO SORRY MATTHEW! **

**Anyways R&R? Please don't flame, constructive criticism please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**And now to break the news to our main character...** **I know in the last chapter Al was a little OOC but don't worry he will eventually be the American hero we all know and love. I have a plan *evil grin***

Chapter Two: Tears and Heartbreak

Alfred F. Jones made his way through the mass of crowded people, dragging behind him a cute brunette who's name he didn't know. She was giggling and tripping every few feet, totally wasted.

How Gilbert had managed to slip excessive amounts of Russian vodka into one of the punch bowls would remain a mystery to Alfred, and he found himself suddenly glad that he had bought some water before coming here. He didn't want his good record marred because of some dumb prank. He was a horrible drunk.

Don't ask how he knew that… you don't wanna know.

Anyways he was thinking up ways of how to get the cute (stranger) girl alone so he could… um.. do inappropriate things to her that didn't involve sex (he wasn't quite ready to go down that road yet), when a police officer came up behind him.

"You Alfred Jones?"

"Yes sir!" he said happily. The girl was whisked away by Francis, who grinned and gave him a thumbs up behind his back. Did he think he was getting in trouble or was he referring to the drunken chick?

"I need you to come with me," he took his arm gently.

"Is something wrong officer?" he adjusted his glasses, grinned still plastered onto his face.

"Yes, my boy I would say there is."

They reached the parking lot, where the officer leaned against the side of the car, searching for something in his pockets. He straightened, revealing a piece of notebook paper.

"An hour and a half ago we received a call from one of your neighbors, who claimed she had heard a gun shot coming from your house. We arrived at the household to discover no one was home, or so we thought."

Alfred felt the grin leave his face, what was going on?

"We found an open gun cabinet so we searched the rest of the house."

Alfred waited, itching to go back to the dance and that cute girl who was no doubt currently being raped by a (drunk) Francis.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this son, but your brother…."

Alfred felt himself grow impatient.

"Matthew Williams… is dead. He committed suicide."

The world dropped out from underneath Alfred and he stumbled forward, the officer catching his arm to steady him.

"Matthew… Matthew is," his throat closed.

The officer looked at him gravely and Alfred suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day.

"Oh God… no... I didn't even get a chance to apologize."

The officer looked at him quizzically, "Apologize for what?"

"My friends and I… we did something to him earlier today… I was just a joke. I didn't think."

The officer handed him the paper wordlessly.

"We found this on his bed."

Alfred ripped it out the mans hand, before reading it, despair rising up to filling his chest.

"May I do something with this?"

The officer stared at him, "What are you going to do?"

"Make sure everyone hears this," he dashed back inside, blinking away tears.

As he pushed through the crowd toward the DJ his mind whirled.

How could Matthew believe he didn't care? Sure they had only met a year ago but that didn't mean he hated him. All those times he had laughed at him, he had been joking.

_But did he know that?_

He brushed the nagging voice aside and pushed the DJ out of the way, which was a Korean kid by the name of Yong Soo. He protested but Alfred took control, not thinking as to what he was doing.

"HEY EVERYBODY SHUT UP!"

His mind was muddled from shock and he was not thinking clearly. The words just poured out his mouth. Needless to say, they saw their school hero with a microphone and fell silent.

"I was just pulled outside by a police officer. I thought I was in trouble, or my stepmom had gotten into another barfight and they couldn't get ahold of my dad. I was not expecting…. It to be about Matthew.

While we where all here… having the time of our lives, my twin brother, who most of you didn't even know existed, killed himself," he paused to let the words sink in as people's eyes widened in shock and a gasp or two was heard.

He continued, "These were his final words… I thought," he let out an uncontrolled sob, "That you all should hear them. That's what he would have wanted."

Struggling to hold back tears he held the paper in front of him and began to read:

_I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being ignored, sick of living in the shadow of a brother who doesn't even care that I exist. I'm sick of living in a dysfunctional house where I'm just a burden. I never wanted to be a burden. _

_ Things would be better if I were dead. I've been living in depression for too damn long. This has to end, and I don't know how to put a stop to it any other way. My mother's gone and my biological father who never wanted me…. Still doesn't want me. _

_ I give up. I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm friendless, no one is going to miss me. I just hope that when I'm gone, maybe people will start listening. _

_ All I want, is someone to remember me…_

_-Matthew Williams_

The crowd was silent, and Alfred was afraid to look up, preferring to hide his tears.

"I don't know about you, but I think its pretty shitty that he died… feeling like this. I never noticed… that how I was treating him was wrong, that something was wrong…" his voice, which had been almost a whisper, suddenly became stronger.

"I didn't know him very well, and I now I never will. That's why I'm going to honor his final wish. I will make sure he will always be remembered.

And you all, are going to help me."

**CLIFFHANGER! Like the Vampire Knight chapters! Argh... Anyways, I don't think I did a good job with this chapter at all. Any suggestions? No flames plz :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alfred puts his first part of his plan into action XD I plan to have Iggy show up next chapter seeing as what Al is about to do is slightly illegal, (at least where I live it is... I think) and I can see Iggy finding out about it and lecturing him... That's the basic plan anyways. **

**I wrote this while listening to the song Once a Year Day from the Pajama Game. I'm audition for the musical my schools putting on of it TM. **

**Anyways enjoy!**

Chapter 3: Black

Black. So much black.

To Alfred it all blurred together, that color. Between the rain, the unshed tears, and the people who didn't even care, everything was just a huge jumbled mess.

_Matthew would have never wanted this_, thought Alfred.

At least that's what he thought Matthew would have said. To be honest Alfred truly didn't know. He had never asked.

And now he would never get the chance.

"Alfred-kun"

Alfred turned to face a short Japanese boy with a blank expression.

"Sup Kiku?" he said lamely.

Kiku was one of the few of his friends that was not part of the popular crowd. Alfred had originally met him by enlisting the straight A's honor student to be his tutor. The two had ended up bonding over hours of Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy.

In short Kiku was his closest friend and the only one of his friends that had cared enough to show up to Matthews funeral. His other friends were probably still at home, nursing hangovers earned from a night of illegal drinking.

Sometimes, Alfred felt like the only responsible one.

"Everything is set up. Are we proceeding according to plan?" Kiku asked.

Alfred nodded to him and faced the pastor, who was saying fake sounding words over Matthews grave.

Once he ended his speech Alfred took the chance to speak up.

"Excuse me? May I say something? It'll be quick I promise," he said after catching a look from his father.

The pastor kindly stepped aside and Alfred stepped forward.

"I know many of you here are only here because my father asked you to be. Don't deny it, we all know it's true. The only ones here who probably care at all are Kiku, Mr. Pastor Person and I. No offense Dad, and Melinda but I really don't think you guys want to be here at all, judging from your actions," seeing his Dad's expression he rolled his eyes, "Yes, I am capable to reading expressions Dad, I may be an athlete but I'm not stupid. And that's why I feel… horrible for ignoring how Matthew was feeling. Cause I saw it. But I chose to ignore it, for the sake of keeping my popularity. Now that he's not here…I can see that I was shallow and conceited, which makes me sound like a girl buts its true…" he took a breath.

"That's why I'm going to honor his final wish, and make sure he's remembered," he glanced upward and saw that it was getting dark. He nodded to Kiku who clicked something that looked similar to a pen.

"This is part one in my plan," gestured to the sky, "Now if you would please face to your left."

Suddenly the sky was torn apart by a red firework in the shape of a maple leaf. More fireworks in the colors of red and white lit up the sky.

He met his Dad and stepmom (Melinda's) eyes and realized that he was so going to get it later for setting off illegal fireworks.

But it was so worth it.

His Dad closed in on him, his blue eyes narrowed into a hard glare.

Alfred took off running, grabbing Kiku by the hand as dragging him to where his car waited in the parking lot.

**Hehehe**


	4. Chapter 4

**I cannot believe I am updating this story so fast. It helps that I already had the chapter written... for once.**

**I'm sorry if I made anyone cry, but I did warn you guys it was going to be sad. I have plans for some laughter and romance so don't be to worried if you can't handle sadness for too long. I can't either. **

**Disclaimer that I think is pointless and I have no clue was to why I'm adding it:**

**I, unfortunately, do not own the amazingness of Hetalia. I do, however own this story. **

**Read on**

Chapter 4: A New Face

Alfred's heart hurt.

So did his face, his arm, heck even his BRAIN hurt.

But mostly his heart.

After his little stunt, his father had found him at Kiku's house, hiding in his friends basement playing Skyward Sword. He had dragged Alfred from the house kicking and screaming, then had proceeded to lecture him about how he could have ruined his perfect record along with all of his chances of going to a good college, with a good football team.

So, his son was dead and all Alfred's father seemed to want to talk about was football. Of course.

Then his father had decided to take his anger out on Alfred. He hit him once, twice, three times… Alfred lost count.

Which is why various parts of his body hurt like heck.

Alfred, once he was free, ran to the safety of not his room, but Matthew's. He didn't think his father would ever find him there.

Matthew's room was pretty much spotless. Someone had, thankfully, removed the bloodstained sheets from the bed so all that remained was a mattress and a bedframe.

Alfred turned to Matthew's closet mirror, and studied his face. He would be sporting a black eye in the morning but other than that there were no visible injuries. He took a step forward to get a better look at his face when he stepped on something.

It was a notebook with no title, and it was as dark as night. It looked as if it had been thrown there carelessly, as if the owner had simply forgotten about it. Alfred weighed it in his hands, unsure of whether or not he should read what was inside. It felt intrusive, even though Matthew was no longer there to yell at him for looking into his personal things.

Not that he ever had before.

Adjusting his glasses, Alfred sat down on the edge of the bare mattress. He opened it to a random page. He flipped through it, history notes, last weeks math homework, some poetry notes. He was about to shut it when he found something that looked suspiciously like a diary entry, only without a date.

_Alfred is such…an ass. Seriously, I feel so… invisible. I'm standing RIGHT HERE, writing in this journal like I'm doing homework and he's just standing there talking. To a wall. He's not even looking in my direction, or acknowledging my existence. What kind of weirdo talks to a wall?_

_ When I moved here, I thought things would be better. 'Land of the free, home of the brave…' like I fit into any of that. I should have just stayed in Canada with Grandmother. But of course, my stupid father had to be the one to take me in. Figures._

_ Going back to Alfred, I wonder what people see in him. His arrogant, stupid, and all that seems to be on his mind is whatever new joke, or sporting event he's planning. But he has this way of getting people to listen to him, to look at him. I guess he just has that personality…_

_ I wish I was like that…_

Alfred stared at the notebook blankly. The entry went on for several more pages, but he found that he couldn't read anymore. Every line was like Matthew punching him in the face.

And he deserved every hit.

Suddenly there was a violent pounding on the door.

"ALFRED OPEN THE DOOR!"

Alfred scrambled over and glanced through the keyhole.

He had a metal bat.

Crap.

In a moment of blind panic, Alfred scrambled backwards. He stuffed the notebook down his bomber jacket, and zipped it up so it wouldn't fall out.

His dad started hitting the door harder.

"ALFRED I WILL BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR!"

He wrenched the second story window open and leaned out. If he landed just right he could jump and not break his legs.

"YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS ALFRED!"

He took a deep breath and jumped. He hit the ground hard, but rolled and by some miracle, came up standing. He probably had a cracked rib but at the moment he was numb to the pain. He took off, using his momentary fear and adrenaline to push his body to its limit as he sprinted away from the house.

He lost all track of where he was going, and he could feel his mind coming apart in his skull from lack of oxygen.

He could almost hear Matthew's soft voice, begging him to stop.

But he kept going.

When he finally stopped he was in a richer neighborhood, the streets lined with large, Victorian style houses

And it was pouring rain.

He hit the nearest wall in frustration. He felt skin break and bones crack. He hissed but refused to yell out.

"What the bloody hell did the wall ever do to you?"

Alfred jumped, cradling his injured hand. He turned to where the distinctly British sounding voice was coming from and found himself staring.

The teenage boy couldn't have been much older then he was. His blond hair was messy, with cold, calculating green eyes. He was holding an umbrella with the English flag on it above his head. To complete the look he was wearing blue jeans, and white t-shirt and a black jacket.

In a word, he was handsome.

Alfred mentally slapped himself at this thought, he was not homosexual, he should not think or say that any guy his age was handsome and/or beautiful. Unless he was agreeing with Antonio about Lovino's looks or something…

The other boy raised one thick eyebrow at Alfred who looked down at his feet.

"Nothing… I just," he tried to explain himself but the blond sighed, cutting him off.

"I understand. There have been plenty of times where I've wanted to do the same myself," he stepped forward, covering Alfred with the umbrella,

"Let me look at your hand," he ordered.

Alfred hesitated, after all this was a stranger. On the other hand, his hand was probably broken, he was in a strange place, and he didn't want to call the hospital and have his Dad find out. In fact he wasn't going to try his way home and ask his Dad for help. No. Way.

"Okay," Alfred held his hand out for the other boy to see.

The Briton touched his hand gently, causing Alfred to yelp in surprise. The stranger glared at him.

"Don't move," he ordered sternly. He completed his inspection. It seemed to take forever, for Alfred, who was starting to get antsy. He was wet, cold and wanted some hot chocolate.

"Defiantly broken," said the boy, "It needs immediate medical attention. I can take you to the hospital…"

"No!"

The boy jumped at Alfred's outburst.

"Sorry, its just, my Dad's a little pissed with me right now. I don't want him to find out about this yet."

The boy looked at him quizzically before releasing his hand.

"Alright. Then you can come to my place, and I'll see what I can do for you."

"Thanks," said Alfred in relief. Then he realized that he had never introduced himself.

"I'm Alfred F. Jones by the way."

For a moment the British boy's eyes seemed to flash, but it went away so fast Alfred assumed he had imagined it.

"Arthur Kirkland," he said tersely.


	5. Chapter 5

**Some notes before we begin...**

**Bryn Kirkland: Whales**

**Emily Kirkland: Northern Ireland**

**James Kirkland: Scotland**

**Peter Kirkland: Sealand**

**Now here we go.  
><strong>

Alfred followed Arthur for about three blocks, getting even more soaked despite the umbrella. Arthur kept on glancing backward like they were being followed.

Alfred was not quite sure what to make of that, Arthur seemed harmless enough, no reason to be followed.

Unless it was some kind of creeper.

Finally they stopped in front of a two story Victorian style house with a large, perfect backyard. From inside the house there were loud noises, most of which

sounded like someone shouting with a heavy Scotish accent.

"Sounds like a mad house," Alfred muttered.

Arthur sighed.

"It is. Do me a favor and tread carefully."

"Do you have a lot of broken glass lying around or something?"

Arthur rolled his eyes.

"It means be careful you git. Come on."

Arthur fished his keys out of his back pocket and unlocked the door. The pair stepped into the atrium just in time for some kind of pastry to fly over Alfred's

head.

"Emily Rose Kirkland! If I EVER see you with that man again I swear I will kill ye!"

A teenage girl with flammking red hair dashed out from what appeared to be the kitchen.

"James is drunk again," she said breathlessly.

"Have you been spending more time with Francis lately?" Arthur inquired, a look of disqust on his face.

"No! I TOLD you guys! We are THROUGH! THROUGH!" she dashed up the spiral staircase just in time to avoid a flying scone.

"Em! Emily! Get yer ass down here lassie before I drag it down!" a tall man, probably 25 years old in age, came around the corner. His shoulder length hair was

red and dotting flour. He was wearing a green Kiss The Cook apron and was brandishing a spatula in one hand, a bottle of some kind of Scotch in the other.

"Hello, Arthur," the Scotsman put as much bitterness into Arthur's name as possible. He took one look at Alfred's hand and raised his eyebrow.

"Got into a fight there lad?" he asked.

"No, sir. I hit a wall," said Alfred, not letting some drunken man intimidate him.

"To bad, you look tough. Not someone I would expect to see hanging around Arthur. Names James by the way."

"Alfred."

"Come on Alfred, we should take care pf your hand," Arthur took hold of Alfred's good hand and began to lead him up the stairs.

"Artie, stop going so fast!" Alfred complained.

Arthur ignored him, opening the nearest door and thrusting him inside.

Alfred stumbled into what appeared to be a bathroom. Arthur closed the door and tossed him a towel.

"Take off your shirt and jacket and dry off," Arthur ordered. Alfred complied, carefull not to jar his broken hand.

Arthur began rumaging around in the bathroom's closet as Alfred tossed his jacket, and his shirt onto the floor. He placed the notebook on the counter

gratefully, glad that it had not gotten too wet.

"Here we go," Arthur pulled a first aide kit out of the closet and shut the door.

"Sit," he ordered, pointing to the edge of the bathtub. Alfred sat, trying to decide how to break the awkwardness.

Arthur began working on Alfred's hand, and neither of them said anything for a long time.

When Arthur finished he put the first aide kit away.

"Shower is free for you to use, I'll see if I have any old clothes of James that might fit you."

Arthur made to go out the door.

"Artie, wait!"

The Brit paused and looked back.

"Thanks," Alfred whisphered.

A**wwww Alfie is so cute! I love writing Scotland, he's such an entertaining drunk.**

**Bryn and Peter should show up next chapter... not sure why they wouldn't.**

**Read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay soooo here is the next chapter!**

**I have no idea why I'm focusing so much on this story when I am one chapter away from finishing another and I haven't updated in months... oh well**

Arthur's Point of View

Arthur rummaged through his closet for some clothes that might possibly fit Alfred. The git was so much bigger than him. Maybe some of Jame's old clothes would fit him.

As Arthur continued looking his mind drifted.

HE didn't understand how he, student body president, head of the student council, ended up with head jock, school heartthrob, dream of every teenage girl, Alfred Jones in his house.

Alfred hadn't recognized him, which just proved how under appreciated he was. Gits, every single one if his fellow students was a git.

Still Arthur couldn't help but notice how broken Alfred looked. He had heard about Matthew's death, there was no one at school who hadn't, however Arthur had never thought that the twins had been very close. He wouldn't really know, seeing as he had only ever spoken to Matthew maybe once or twice, and he had never actually met Alfred before today. He always just saw him in the hallways being his loud and obnoxious self.

Arthur slammed the door, frustrated. What he had would have to do, he thought as he gathered the clothes from the pile on the floor.

"You better not break that."

Arthur jumped, and faced his door, where one of his older brothers was leaning against the door frame.

"Bloody hell Bryn don't do that!"

The red head smirked, "It's what I do best."

"Oh, come off it," said Arthur. Arthur shifted the clothes in his arms and saw Bryn looking at them.

"Those for your friend?" Bryn asked.

'Well I can't exactly let him sit around in sopping wet clothes now can I? and he's NOT my friend!" Arthur wasn;t sure why he was defending himself, something to do with not wanting to be associated with idiots.

Bryn smiled, "If he's not your friend then what is he?"

"A fellow student, nothing more, nothing less," Arthur glared at Bryn who was blocking the door way.

"Hmmm so he goes to your school?"

"Yes, why does it matter?"

"Nothing," Arthur caught a glint in Bryn's eye.

"What are you planning?" Arthur asked.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," with that being said Bryn turned and walked towards Peter's room, hands in pocket and whistling.

Arthur debated on following him but decided against it after remembering Alfred. He went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"I have clothes for you Alfred," he said.

"Okay, thanks"

Arthur stared at the door. Alfred's cheerfulness sounded forced, nothing like what he had seen at school.

"May I come in?" he asked cautiously.

"Sure," Alfred said in a nonchalant tone. Arthur wondered if he had even heard him. Arthur opened the door slowly to revel Alfred, in nothing but a white towel, sitting up against the wall flipping through the pages of a black notebook. His expression was guarded, not at all to what Arthur was used to seeing.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked as he closed the door gently behind him. He set the pile of garments on the counter and went to stand next to his guest.

Arthur may have imagined it, but he thought he saw a tear roll down Alfred's cheek.

"I'm fine," Alfred said stiffly.

"You sure? You look like you are about to cry," Arthur said out of polite concern.

Alfred shook his head, "I'm not crying. Heroes don't cry."

Arthur sat down next to Alfred, noticing that his eyes were red with repressed tears.

"You know, there is nothing unheroic," Arthur winced at the word, what was with people and heroes anyways, "about knowing when it's okay to cry."

Alfred stared at him for a moment before finding a sudden interest in the tile.

"I wish I could believe that," Alfred said, "I just feel like I should be strong... for Mattie, since he's not... not here anymore." He let out a choked sob.

"I think he would hate to see you beat up on yourself like this," said Arthur rationally.

"I'm not beating up on myself!"

"Yes you are, you're obviously blaming yourself for his death," said Arthur.

Alfred set the notebook aside and buried his face in his hands.

"I know it's my fault that he's dead. Don't try to convince me otherwise."

"I wasn't going too," Arthur mumbled. He wasn't sure what to say, he had never had to comfort anyone except for Peter before, and never something as big as the death of a brother.

Finally he hesitantly set a hand on the American's shoulder.

"Look, I have no idea what kind of relationship you and Matthew had, however I do know this..."

Alfred lifted his head, looking into Arthur's emerald green eyes hopefully.

"the way he died... it was sad, true but I think that when he said he wanted to be remembered that he didn't want to be remembered in a sad way. I think he wanted to change something, change lives, and make a difference by turning something so horrible into something that can change people's lives for the better."

Okay, that was a load of bull crap but at this point Arthur just wanted him to stop crying. He had absolutely no idea as to what he was saying.

Alfred nodded and wiped his eyes.

"Yeah, you're right, thanks Artie."

Arthur started to smile, then realized what Alfred had called him.

"DO. NOT. CALL. ME. ARTIE!" he shouted. He stood up abruptly, clenching his fists.

Alfred grinned at his reaction.

"Aw, Artie come on you know you love it!"

Arthur stalked to the counter before making an executive decision and throwing the clothes at the laughing American.

"Get dressed, git, dinner will be ready soon."

With that Arthur ran out and slammed the door behind him angrily.

**Oh Arthur way to kill the mood man... usually that's Alfred's job...**

**Okay so my friends went to a con near where I live, (I couldn't go :( and one of my friends brought me back plastic knives for my Larxene (Kingdom Hearts, Organization XIII) cosplay and I little Kaito (Vocaloid) doll to put on my backpack. He is sitting on my lap, watching me type this... little creeper. XD**

**Also, I have fallen in love with PrussiaxHungary and JapanxTaiwan... I have so many new story ideas floating around my head!  
><strong>

**OKAY I'MMA GUNNA STOP BORING YOU NOW! **

**BYE! PLEASE REVIEW!  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Before I post anything else I have something to say:**

**I decided that this won't be a USUK romance, it was never intended to be that in the first place. **

**And before you Yaoi fan girls come after me I'll give you my reasons:**

**1) I'm not really a fan of Yaoi, never have been, and recently I've been a little disgusted with myself for ever writing it, even if it was just innocent fluff (for various reasons. I accept homosexuals so don't take that the wrong way. It's a personal reason)... so it won't be showing up in any of my stories. My Taming of the Shrew parody (Taming of Romano) is going to have a different ending when I'm done so it's not Yaoi.  
><strong>

**2)I just think that this story would work better as a friendship story/ brotherly love story (in the case of Al and Matt). With the end I have planned out it'll just work out well in the end XD  
><strong>

**I could go on... but I'm pretty sure that I've lost some of you and that some of you are mad at me... That's okay though I kind of expected it...**

**So I hope you can respect my decision and keep enjoying my (cruddy, at least in my opinion) writing skills/stories  
><strong>

**On a lighter note...  
><strong>

**This chapter is in Alfred's POV. Enjoy!**

Once Alfred had changed his clothes and attempted to tame his wet hair he left the bathroom, clutching Matthew's notebook in one hand. After Arthur had run out another one of his brothers, Bryn, had come and taken his wet clothes, saying that he was going to run them through the dryer. His jacket, which should avoid a dryer at all costs, was hanging up in the shower to dry. He felt naked without it.

Now that he was standing in the hallway he realized that he had absolutely no idea where he was. The stairs that he remembered coming up were no where in sight and because Arthur had been pulling him along so fast he had not had a chance to take in his surroundings and get his bearings.

Glancing down the right hallway he saw doors, the end turning and becoming what appeared to be another hallway.

Confident in his choice Alfred walked down the hallway, his feet sinking into the plush carpet. He passed by a door covered in DO NOT ENTER signs and a flag that he didn't recognize. As he passed he heard a loud bang and being a creator of many pranks himself, jumped back as a a very skillfully done net trap fell right where he had been standing.

He heard the loud shout of a child's laughter coming from the bedroom and the door opened, nearly hitting Alfred square in the face.

"Haha Arthur I can't believe you fell for that!" the boy started before turning and seeing Alfred's bewildered expression.

"Why hello there! Who are you?" asked the boy asked. Alfred noticed that he looked a lot like Arthur, eyebrows and all.

Alfred grinned, "Alfred F. Jones! And you little dude?"

The kid grinned, "I'm Peter Kirkland!" Peter began to clean up his trap, apologize for almost getting Alfred, who laughed it off and helped him clean up. One all of the elaborately set up trap was put back into place Alfred took the opportunity to praise the kid for his work.

"This is a pretty good trap you set up here!"

Peter grinned, "You think so?"

"Hell ya little man! I used to be the master of pranks in middle school. So you intended this for Arthur?"

Peter nodded, "Yeah that British jerk of jerks is the only who comes by here! His room is right over there," he said pointing down the hallway.

"Aren't you British too?"

"Pfft No I'm from Sealand!"

"Sealand? Where's that?"

Before Peter could answer the door to Arthur's room flew open as if propelled by a tornado.

"You were born in London you little brat! Sealand is NOT a real country!"

"Yes it is!" Peter defended.

"Oh, shut up Peter. Go do your homework or something."

"It's Sunday!"

"And it'll be due tomorrow. Stop pestering Alfred."

Peter stuck his tongue out at his brother but did as he was told. As he walked by Alfred, Alfred fist bumped him, earning a grin from the boy as he shut the door behind him.

"Please, don't encourage him. He's already obnoxious enough."

"He reminds me of me when I was his age," laughed Alfred.

"Oh goodness that's a scary thought," Arthur gestured to him. "Come on, lets just stay in my room until dinner."

"You worried your brothers are going to kill me or something?"

"Yes, now get it," Arthur pushed Alfred forward.

Arthur's room was about average sized, a bed with a Union Jack comforter. It had a desk covered with papers and textbooks. Obviously a studious man. The two remaining walls were taken up by a dresser, a bookshelf and a closet.

Alfred wandered over to the desk first, "I didn't know we went to school together."

"We have classes together and I'm head of student council..." Arthur sighed.

"Really? How come I never noticed you?"

"I mostly keep to myself, most people don't notice me. Except for the frog..."

"You mean Francis?"

Arthur scowled, "That's him. He was a childhood friend of mine."

"Do you not have any friends?"

"The only friends I need live in books," Arthur said. He wandered over to his bookshelf before picking up a copy of _Midsummer Night's Dream_.

"That sounds really lonely..."

"It suits me. I am perfectly happy without friends!"

"Are you sure you mean that?"

Arthur blinked and started at Alfred as if shocked.

"Of course I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"My brother was like you. He didn't have any friends and I was a terrible brother to him... Now he's gone..."

Alfred trailed off and Arthur, unsure of what to say, closed his book and put it back on the shelf.

"I'm sorry Alfred. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you."

Alfred decided to say nothing to prevent the tears from spilling over again. He was a man dammit! He wasn't going to cry.

Arthur looked as if he was about to say something when the door opened and a drunk (?) Scotsman was standing in the doorway.

"Dinner is ready," he said.

**Alfred's being sensitive! *round of applause* This chapters was more of an explanation of Arthur and his lack of friends... DON'T WORRY FLYING MINT BUNNY STILL LOVES YOU!**

**Anyhow I wrote some fan lyrics to some HetaOni music that I will be posting soon. I personally think they suck, because they follow no poetic standards at all but I hope SOMEONE will read them and tell me their opinion. I wanna make a cover and post it online (Choir Chick in the HOUSE) I always wanted to say that...**

**Also does anyone know where i can download the original HetaOni Soundtrack? Mega upload... was shut down... and that is the only link I can find  
><strong>

**Anyways I hope I didn't disappoint. Read and Review? Please? Anyone who does gets free metaphorical internet ice cream~**

**Alfred: Ice cream?**

**Me: Not for you, Al~**

**Alfred: Awwww**


	8. Chapter 8

**And here is another chapter~**

**I know it's been awhile since I've updated and I apologize for that! **

**I need to add more humor to this story... this chapter and the one I have planned next are a little depressing. I think I'm starting to see how my writing is reflective of my overall mood. And I'm not even sad right now... more angry actually.**

**Anyways, ignore my ranting, ONWARD WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!  
><strong>

Chapter 8

Alfred really had no desire to eat.

It wasn't that the food was bad, James was actually a pretty good cook, despite being drunk. No, it was for the same reason he hadn't eaten much of anything since Matthew's death. The fact that Alfred was here and his twin wasn't, didn't seem right and it killed Alfred's appetite.

James had made a feast fit for the Queen of England, as far as Alfred could tell, and knew it would be rude not to at least take something. Alfred took some bread as it was passed around but nothing more. He could feel the family's curious stares but he ignored them, staring at his plate and tearing at his bread with more force than was necessary.

"Alfred are you not eating?" asked Arthur.

Alfred shook his head and put the remains of his mutilated bread onto his plate.

"I'm sorry, I don't wan to seem rude… but I just can't."

Bryn nodded and gave him a kind smile, "Completely understandable. Arthur told us about your brother. You have my condolences."

Alfred gave him a small smile, "Thanks."

There was a long silence as they ate, Alfred finishing off his bread and taking sips of water simply to occupy himself. As dinner came to a close, James was passed out in a drunken stupor on the floor, and Peter had fallen asleep in his chair. Bryn picked up his little brother with surprising strength took him upstairs, Emily following close behind, leaving Alfred and Arthur alone.

Arthur stood up and began cleaning the table. Alfred followed his example, gathering plates and making his way towards the kitchen.

He placed the dished on the granite countertop, looking toward Arthur for directions. The British boy's back was turned to him where he stood by the sink and wasn't sure how to break the awkward silence.

"Hey, Alfred?"

Alfred stopped pretending to admire some kitchenware and hurried to where his new friend was standing.

"Yes?"

Arthur turned the water off and dried his hands on a towel.

"When was the last time you've eaten anything? Something more than bread and water. "

Alfred could see where this was going and decided to be honest, "Homecoming night."

"Three days? You haven't eaten in three days?"

"Dude, homecoming was last week," Alfred said but immediately regretted it when he saw the look on Arthur's face, "Can't you even remember when school events are ."

"That's not healthy. You need to eat."

"No."

"Yes."

NO! My brother's dead, my dad's a possibly murderous psychopath, the woman who raised me, who's not even my biological mother, is a cheating drunkard! My whole life makes me sick!" Alfred clenched his fists.

"Everything, just feels like its falling apart. My dad, he puts up the façade of having a perfect life, with a loving wife and family. It's all just one, huge stupid lie that I've been ignoring and going along with," his hands came up to his head and he started pulling at his hair.

"I don't want to eat, sleep, play sports… or anything else for that matter! I just want everything to go away and leave me alone!"

Arthur looked shocked by Alfred's unexpected outburst but when he spoke his tone was gentle.

"Alfred, it doesn't matter what you do, none of this will just go away…"

"Thank you Captain Obvious."

Arthur let a small smile grace his lips at Alfred's sarcasm.

"Look, I understand what you're going through. I lost both of my parents in a car accident when I was very young Peter was just a baby at the time. My brothers and Emily are all I have left, and we're not exactly a perfectly functional household."

"I'm sorry," Alfred said softly.

"Don't be. I'm used to it know. Mostly. But do you understand what I'm saying?"

Alfred nodded, "Something philosophical and sensitive about how I shouldn't let my problems ruin my life and that I need to keep moving forward?"

"Something like that yes," Arthur smiled, " Are you okay?"

Alfred nodded, "Yeah. Sorry for freaking out on you."

Arthur just shrugged, "It's fine. Like I said, I understand," he clapped his hands once, breaking the mood. "Now then, lets get this mess cleaned up and figure out your sleeping arrangements."

"Huh?"

"Well you said you didn't want to go home and I'm not going to throw you out on the street. I can give you a ride to school in the morning."

Alfred gave Arthur what can only be described as a flying tackle hug, "Yes, a sleepover! Thanks Artie!"

Arthur's face flushed with anger at the use of the nickname, but decided, just this once, not to complain.

**BROHUG! Sorry, wanted to say it. XD Arthur is being so nice to Alfred... it seems uncharacteristic. *insert thoughtful expression here***

**Review?  
><strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh my goodness, I've been gone for so long! I'm SORRY!**

**It took me forever to write this, I didn't like my original version of it, so I re-wrote it...**

**Anyway's here you go!**

Chapter 9

Notes:

Vietnam: Lien Wang ,

Taiwan: MeiMei Wang

Alfred leaned up against the blue school lockers, scanning the crowd for a certain blonde. He had been getting strange looks from students all day; he'd been avoiding his friends and had been unnaturally quiet in class. He chose to ignore the gossip floating in the air concerning him and had made plans to meet up with Arthur for lunch.

"Alfred-san!"

Alfred turned and saw Kiku and Arthur forcing their way through a mob a girls, who gave Alfred strange looks as they passed. He recognized one of his ex-girlfriends, Lein Wang, a pretty Asian girl from Vietnam. He met her gaze and she glared at him, before tossing her long hair over her shoulder and following her friends.

"Are you alright, Alfred-san?"

Alfred brought himself out of his thoughts and faced his two friends. Kiku was looking at him with a concerned expression on his delicate face, whereas Arthur just looked annoyed.

"Come on, lets go find seats," Arthur led the way into the overcrowded cafeteria.

Alfred followed his friends to the back of the cafeteria to a table filled with students that had been branded at nerds, and/or outcasts. As he took a seat next to Kiku, he could feel their stares boring into him.

"Ignore them," Kiku advised. He was looking at someone farther down the table. Alfred followed his friend's gaze to a small Asian girl. He recognized her as MeiMei, one of Lien's sisters.

"You have a thing for MeiMei?" Alfred asked him.

Kiku turned bright red and turned his gaze back to his food. Alfred watched him with interest as he shoved a rice ball into his mouth to avoid answering.

"It's okay, you don't have to answer me," Alfred said, before turning to Arthur, who was stabbing at his food with more venom than was necessary.

"Dude, you okay?" Alfred asked.

"Stupid Frenchmen, and their stupid food," he muttered.

'You're taking out your dislike of French people on your crepe? You didn't have to buy school lunch you know."

Arthur shot him a dirty look, "I know that."

"All righty then," said Alfred, before returning to his burger. He thought about how Matthew probably would have eaten Arthur's crepe for him. The thought made him feel a little depressed.

He got up to throw away what was left of his lunch, leaving Arthur cursing at his tray and Kiku stealing nervous glances at MeiMei.

His glasses must have been foggy or he wasn't paying attention because next thing he knew he was on the floor, a soft body pressed onto his.

"Ow…" he muttered. He blinked a couple times before the girl that had run into him came into focus.

She has pretty platinum blonde hair, and her blue eyes were filled with surprise. Suddenly her face contorted into anger and she thrust a knife at his face.

"You're in my way Jones!"

"No offense, Natalia, but you're the one that's on top of me," Alfred said gently. She growled, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks before she got up. She put a booted foot on Alfred's chest, preventing him from rising.

"If you get in the way of me and Big Brother again, I promise I won't go easy on you."

Alfred wanted to protest that it wasn't his fault that she had run into him, but the next thing he knew, she was gone.

He stood up and rubbed the back of his neck before making his way over to the table. It hadn't been the first time that had happened, he and Ivan had never gotten along, and therefore Natalia was determined to hate him too.

_"What a weirdo," _he thought.

MeiMei must have come over to their side of the table while he had been on the ground, because she and Kiku were having an animated conversation. Arthur was having a glaring contest with Francis, who was sitting at the next table over.

Alfred didn't wan to pull Kiku out of his conversation with MeiMei, who he obviously had feelings for, and Arthur was making his way across the cafeteria, presumably to strangle Francis.

For once, Alfred was at a loss. He had no idea what to do, or who to talk to. He eventually settled for playing games on his Iphone.

He wondered if Matthew had ever felt this alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's another update for you all! Enjoy!**

**(Sorry if Prussia seems OOC. I made him such a jerk! T.T I apologize in advance!)  
><strong>

Chapter 10

Alfred left the cafeteria alone. Kiku and MeiMei had left a few minutes before to visit their lockers before the crowds hit. Arthur was currently having a very heated argument with a certain Frenchman that could be heard across the whole cafeteria.

If he had been in the mood, Alfred probably would have intervened. However Alfred hadn't spoken to his old friends since Matthew's suicide, when they had gotten drunk instead of being supportive of their friend, and he had convinced himself that he would never speak to them again. He had, unknowingly, turned his back on Francis and his old life the moment the police officer had given him the news.

He meandered through the crowd of teens, and he found himself focusing on small details, like the girl by the bathrooms with her hood up and scars on her wrists. A lone boy sat up against the wall in the Science hallway. There were tattoos on his legs and a dark expression in his eyes. They were the outcasts, the kids that had gotten a raw deal in life. The drug abusers, the cutters, and the misunderstood. The kids that were just looking for love and acceptance.

Matthew had been one of them.

The thought made Alfred's mouth go dry and his heart fill with lead. He continued on his way, like everyone else was, his mind reeling.

What could he do to make a difference?

What could he do to save someone's life?

He stopped by his locker, throwing some books inside just for something to do. The bell for the next class period didn't ring for the next ten minutes.

He closed the locker door and made his way down the hall.

Kiku's POV

Kiku had never felt this elated since the day he had made his first friend in the country. He had moved here from Japan, maybe a year before he had met Alfred as a high-school freshman. The thought that someone, even someone as popular and arrogant as Alfred, would take notice in him had left him felling much better about himself and his new life.

Every second he spent with MeiMei was like that, only better. He had thought he had kept his crush on her hidden, however it seems that even Alfred had noticed. That was part of the reason he had gotten the nerve to say something when she had come over to him at lunch. That was also why he was here now.

MeiMei rummaged through her locker, and Kiku couldn't help but notice small things, like the way her dark hair swept over her shoulders, resting on her small frame.

He had never met someone so beautiful.

Part of him felt guilty leaving Alfred alone in the cafeteria. The American's whole attitude today was extremely abnormal, and Kiku hadn't been sure how to respond. To get out of there had actually felt like a relief.

Now he just felt guilty.

"That should be it," MeiMei said, shutting the locker door with a satisfying slam. She looked at Kiku, her chocolate eyes sparking.

"Shall we go?"

Kiku never got a chance to answer, because the next thing he knew his face was meeting the wall. He shook his head and looked to see who had shoved him.

Gilbert's silver hair was what he saw first. He was leaning up againt the lockers next to MeiMei, a cocky smirk on his face. The other members of the BTT, were on MeiMei's other side, Antonio looking uncomfortable and Francis looking at MeiMei in a way that made Kiku's stomach churn with revulsion.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a pretty one this time guys," Gilbert leaned in close, forcing MeiMei up against the lockers.

"What's your name?" Gilbert ran a finger down her cheek and MeiMei flinched.

"MeiMei," she said in a small voice.

"MeiMei, huh. You're a pretty little thing aren't you?" Gilbert ran a hand down her arm.

The way Gilbert was touching her, like she was a doll he could toy with, made Kiku's blood boil. MeiMei's terrified expression tore at his heart and he couldn't think clearly. He forced his way past Francis and Antonio, before putting himself in front of MeiMei.

"Please, leave her alone Gilbert-san."

He hoped he could get the three to leave without having to resort to conflict and violence but when Gilbert grinned he saw no way around.

"Who's going to make me, little un-awesome nerd? You?"

Kiku clenched his hands into fists, although still up holding his deadpan, emotionless look. He was in perfect control.

"I'm asking you to leave," he said more firmly.

Gilbert threw his head back and laughed. Francis just sighed, like this was a common occurrence and Antonio tried to make himself appear small. It was obvious that this was the last place he wanted to be.

"Oh, yeah? You and what army?'

With those words, Kiku allowed a shred of emotion to escape through his internal barriers. Anger. Gilbert stopped laughing when he saw the change, startled. He hadn't thought that Kiku was capable of emotion.

With practiced ease Kiku delivered a powerful blow to Gilbert's face. It was difficult with their large height difference, but in his desire to protect MeiMei he found that he didn't care.

Gilbert reacted by using his height to his advantage. He went at Kiku, intending to get him into a headlock. Kiku dodged, his was smaller than his German opponent. He was not stronger, however, and soon found himself captured by his strong arms.

"I should crush you," Gilbert whispered in his ear, "Your little girlfriend too."

Kiku let an angry growl escape his lips. This was such an embarrassing situation for him to be in. On top of that, Gilbert was baiting him, trying to make him mad.

Suddenly Gilbert's arms disappeared and Kiku hit the floor. He immediately pushed himself up and ran to MeiMei, making sure she was okay.

His eyes came to rest on his rescuer, a tall blonde, whose blue eyes were blazing in anger as he held his former friend by the shirt.

Alfred.


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter was inspired by: You Raise Me Up: Celtic Women, Fire to the Rain: Adele**

**This chapter is sad, but I feel it was necessary. I've been wanting to write something like this for a while now. So I hope you guys like it!  
><strong>

**Happy Belated Canada Day to Matthew and Happy Belated Fourth of July!  
><strong>

Alfred tightened his grip on Gilbert's t-shirt his entire body trembling in anger. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kiku take MeiMei and lead her away, out of the line of fire, but close enough to watch the unfolding scene. Kiku was looking at him with a worried expression, one hand entwined in MeiMei's.

Alfred shifted his attention back to the object of his anger, Gilbert, who stiffened at his glare. The way Gilbert was treating Kiku and MeiMei was too similar to how he used to treat Matthew. Alfred wasn't going to stand for it.

He wasn't going to let anyone else get hurt anymore.

"Alfred, buddy, come on I was just joking. Like always!"

Matthew had suffered because of the way Alfred and his friends had treated him. Until a few moments before, when Alfred had seen how Gilbert was treating Kiku, he had been ready to deny it, pretend that there had been other reasons. When Matthew hadn't been ignored he had been subjected to often-cruel treatment at the hands of his peers.

How had he been so blind?

"How am supposed to believe that, after what happened to Matthew?"

Gilbert's eyes narrowed, "You're still stuck on that? He's dead Alfred, you can't do anything to change that!"

"I know!" Alfred pushed Gilbert up against the lockers with a satisfying bang. Now that he had Gilbert in this position he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't really want to hurt him; all he had wanted was to help Kiku. He heard a chocking sound and he let Gilbert go. The albino fell to the ground, clutching at his throat.

"Have you even thought… that this was why? Our 'joking around' with him…" Alfred's voice was small, but he was sure Gilbert could hear him. Gilbert looked up from his position on the ground, his red eyes filled with confusion.

"Alfred?" he asked. Alfred shook his head; he could feel the tears of guilt and the pain of loss prick behind his closed eyelids. Without thinking, he fled, pushing Francis and Antonio aside in his desperation to get away. He heard Kiku call after him but he ignored it.

He couldn't let anyone see him cry.

XXX

Alfred found himself on the football field, unsure of how he had gotten there. The place was devoid of students and teachers, who usually used the field for P.E. classes. Dimly, Alfred realized it was raining. It was oddly fitting; the rain would hide his tears.

Alfred fell to his knees in the middle of the field, drops of water sliding off the lens of his glasses. He dug his hands into the grass and allowed himself to really cry, for the first time since Matthew's death.

"I'm sorry." Who was he apologizing to? Matthew? Gilbert? Himself?

He wasn't sure anymore.

"You know, you don't have to be sorry."

Alfred blinked, and looked up into the downpour. It was hard to see behind his wet glasses but slowly he made out a figure clothed in white, and nearly transparent. He wasn't wearing glasses, but he would recognize him anywhere.

Matthew.

Alfred scrambled to his feet, his hands shaking. He had always been afraid of ghosts, but in face of his dead brother's he felt oddly brave.

"Why?"

Alfred wasn't completely sure what he was asking but he saw Matthew smile.

"I made my choice. It wasn't your fault."

Alfred shook his head; he couldn't bring himself to look at the smiling figure in front of him.

"I was horrible to you. I'm so sorry."

"Would you stop apologizing, Alfred. I told you, I don't blame you."

"Then why? Why would you do something like that?" he had to know. He had to know why Matthew had taken his own life.

Matthew was silent, and Alfred was afraid he had left, to return to whatever afterlife there was. But he couldn't bring himself to look up. He felt something cold touch his forehead, forcing him to bring his head up. He locked gazes with Matthew, who, even in death, was still giving him that sad smile. The one he gave when he was pretending to be okay.

"Did you read my journal?"

Alfred shook his head, "Not all of it."

"You should. It has all the answers you're looking for," Matthew looked up into the still pouring rain.

"You have class," he told Alfred. Alfred suddenly felt himself start to panic.

"You're not leaving are you? I need you!"

Matthew smiled, a genuine one.

"You have no need to worry Alfred. I'll always be watching you, even if you can't see me."

He started to fade and Alfred desperately reached out for him.

"Wait!"

But he was gone, leaving Alfred alone in the rain.


	12. Chapter 12

**Two chapters in one day? I'm on a roll!**

**I was re-reading the reviews today and I have to say:  
><strong>

**You guys have some of the most wonderful, heart wrenching reviews and I love you all for enjoying this story so much and having such a connection to it. I'm doing my best to keep it as real as possible (minus Matthew's ghost... I put that in for a plot twist) I'm sorry I'm making so many people sad, but you guys are really some of the best readers/reviewers. I love you all!  
><strong>

**So this was kind of an unplanned chapter and pairing. But as I was writing it I realized how much I liked it and how I wanted it to be a part of the story. It's a little sad, but soon, I hope to have some Alfred caused hilarity. Look forward to it!  
><strong>

Alfred sat underneath a maple tree, cradling the precious journal in his arms. After the encounter with Matthew he couldn't bear to go back to class. He had gone back to his locker for the journal and had left school. He had managed to get past the security guards, knocking one unconscious to find someplace quiet. His search had led him to a small park, deserted by all except for a couple of mothers and their children. He ignored their curious stares, and had sat on the wet ground; the rain had stopped soon after Matthew had disappeared.

He fingered the worn cover; it was well used and unremarkable, just like any other teenagers notebook. He opened it to the first page, which was blank. He kept flipping through it until he found the page he had read before. He went to the next page and after a moment's hesitation, began to read.

_Some days, I wonder if this is all meaningless. Today was not one of those days._

_ Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and, dare I say it, I like it here. Despite all that's gone wrong, I think I might have a chance in making some friends. Today I met someone who was actually nice to me. He said his name was something like, Feliciano, and he has this really tall German friend. Hopefully, they'll remember me long enough to become my friends._

Alfred smiled, the thought of Feliciano wanting to be friends with Matthew warmed his heart. Feliciano was nice to everybody, but he had one of the world's smallest attention spans. He flipped the page over; curious as to what had happened.

_Of course this is how it is. The one day I'm not forgotten, as usual, I'm forced to the pain and humiliation that comes with being related to someone popular. Oh, Feliciano… I give him credit for trying to defend me, but Gilbert and all of my brother's friends are too strong and have too much power. I'm writing this from the bathroom, they never come in here. It's beneath them._

_ I want to believe that Alfred's a nice guy. Honestly, I really do. And I don't blame him for treating me the way he does. To be honest, I really think he just doesn't know how to react to me being here and changing his life. He has a whole life planned out for him; I'm just a miscalculation, an unexpected bump in the road. _

_ I'm not really sure why I'm writing any of this down… Ever since I moved here I've found a need to let my feelings out. I've never had the need before…_

_ This is all so confusing. Everyone here that I've met has been cruel to me and after today, I don't think becoming friends with Feliciano is going to be possible. I'm a threat, a target for the jerks that have nothing better to do. I think the only reason Feliciano isn't on their target list is because they're afraid of how Ludwig will react if they do. They would rather keep their faces looking handsome._

_ I'm not really sure if this even matters. This notebook, my pathetic excuse for a life, my wish that everything will turn out all right. I've stopping believing that a long time ago. Ever since mom died nothing has been okay. I'm trapping in a cycle of pain and fear. Even my own father, a man who claimed that he would love and take care of me… treats me just like everyone else does. With anger and disgust. Like he can't stand to look at me. I still have bruises from the last time he remembered my presence. Stepmother is the same way…_

_ Sometimes I think they would be better off if I wasn't here. Maybe if I left and never came back their lives would be better. And I would be better off away from them. But I can't run away. Father would be forced to come looking for me, Grandmother would make him. I still can't believe Father wouldn't let me stay in Canada with her. I know she's senile, but at least she gives a damn._

_ Maybe dying is the best option. Maybe…_

The entry ended, Matthew's words stopping abruptly halfway down the page. He searched for a continuation, but there was none. Alfred flipped through the pages again, re-reading the words. For a split second, Matthew had almost had something that would have allowed him to go on. Friendship. Someone who he can rely on.

Alfred had, unintentionally, taken that away from him by instilling him with fear.

Alfred remembered that day. They had gone to Ludwig and Feliciano's table to do their usual bout of teasing the poor Italian. Alfred had wandered off to talk to Kiku, leaving his friends to do what they do.

There had been so many times that Alfred would wander away from his friend group to talk to Kiku, and he had never even noticed what Gilbert and the others had been doing to Matthew. Even his own father… Alfred was disgusted with himself. He had been to dense to even see that!

But Matthew didn't hate him, or blame him for any of it. He had hoped that Alfred, deep down, was someone who was nice. Matthew had been looking to him this whole time for acceptance, and brotherly support. Alfred had brushed it off like the word brother meant nothing.

Alfred put the journal down on the ground next to him and drew his legs up to his chest. He rested his chin on his knees, watching the children play on the playground. They were so small, so innocent, and unaware of the turmoil in the world around them. For a moment, Alfred wished he could be one of them.

The sky was starting to get dark and the children left, their faces filled with exhaustion from a day's worth of play. Alfred continued to sit there; he didn't want to go home to face his family. He was barely able to face them on the best of days, they were always arguing about something. Now… he wouldn't be surprised if they hardly ever saw each other.

It started to rain again, reflecting Alfred's depressed mood. He still refused to budge. He started to get hungry, but he ignored the feeling, preferring to sit in the grass under the protection of the tree.

"What are you doing here?"

Alfred glanced up to find the one person he least expected to see.

Natalia.

"I should ask you the same thing."

The girl regarded him with cold eyes, and Alfred couldn't help but noticed how beautiful she looked. This was the only time he had ever seen her without her psychopathic expressions. It was a nice change.

Natalia didn't answer but instead plopped right down next to him, folding her umbrella. It was still dry under the large tree. She leaned up against the tree trunk, staring out into the rain.

Alfred chose to break the silence by answering her question.

"I was thinking about Matthew."

"Who?" she asked. Her voice was flat, like she didn't care otherwise.

"Matthew is my brother. The one who died," just saying that made him feel sad.

"I see."

It was silent again, except for the rain. Natalia shifted so she was sitting with her legs underneath her. She didn't seem to care that she was staining her dress.

"Brother and Toris are fighting again."

Alfred felt a stirring of interest. Ivan and his family had taken in some foreign exchange students earlier in the year. Of the three, Toris was the one that Ivan liked the most. Unfortunately for Toris, this usually led to awkward conversations and rumors questioning his sexuality were floating around the school. To top it all off, Toris' crush on Natalia was widely known, thanks to his Polish friend. Alfred couldn't help but feel sorry for the Lithuanian.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Alfred said.

"Big Brother is always so focused on his "little Baltics' " she said, referring to Toris, Ravis and Eduard. "He never seems to find time for the rest of his family."

She closed her eyes and sighed, "He'll never notice me unless I chase after him. And even then, all he does is run away."

Alfred stared at her. Despite being known as crazy, Alfred couldn't help but notice traits about her that reminded him of Matthew. She thought herself to be unloved, particularly by her brother, and seemed to be depressed.

Maybe he could do something to change that.

"Hey, Natalia?"

"Tak?"

"The way people treat you at school.. does that ever bother you?"

Natalia stared at him with a curious expression.

"They think I'm crazy. They fear me. It's better that way."

"Why? Why is it better that they fear you?"

Natalia hesitated and for a moment Alfred thought he had tread on the wrong ground.

"Because, at least, that way, they'll remember me. They know who I am. And they stay away from me and Big Brother."

She stood, brushing off her skirt and stepped out into the rain, intending, Alfred was sure, to walk home. He noticed her umbrella, lying next to Matthew's notebook. He grabbed both, stuffing the notebook in his backpack and running into the rain with the closed umbrella.

"Natalia! Wait!"

She paused halfway to the sidewalk, watching him approach.

"You forgot your umbrella," he handed it to her wordlessly. She took it from him, but didn't open it. She was already soaked, what difference did it make.

"Дзякуй (Thank you)" she said, before turning to leave. Alfred grabbed her arm, and he saw her stiffen from the contact.

"It's getting dark. I'll walk you home."

Natalia shook his arm off.

"Do what you like," she said. Alfred couldn't help but smile as he came to her side, took the umbrella from her and opened it. He offered it to her and she took it wordlessly.

As they walked down the street, Alfred had a strange feeling that someone was watching him. He hoped it was Matthew, looking down on him and approving of his decision to help Natalia.

Alfred wasn't going to let anyone suffer his brother's fate, even someone universally hated like Natalia, a girl who shared many of Matthew's symptoms of depression. He wanted to hold her hand and be her friend, show her that there was someone out there that understood her pain. He wanted to be her friend, someone she could depend on instead of taking the other way out. Granted their history together wasn't good, ever since they were young she had hated him, only because Alfred and Ivan didn't get along.

Alfred hoped to change that.

**I apologize to anyone who doesn't like AmericaxBelarus but I'm not sure whether or not I'm going to make their relationship romantic. (I probably will.) If I do, I won't be rushing it. It'll be in a LOOOONG while. I want to develop their relationship first and dive deeper into Natalia's emotional turmoil. I think she is a very wonderful and diverse character, who, despite being defined as nuts, is just looking for someone to love her and be her friend. And the fact that Alfred sees some of Matthew's pain in her, will help their relationship develop and help him realize what I want him to realize in the end. (Not telling... that would spoil it!)**

**Alfred: Zero, you just want me to be with her don't you.  
><strong>

**Me: ... maybe...  
><strong>

**Alfred: *blushes* You are such a fangirl.  
><strong>

**Me: That I am Alfred...  
><strong>

**Alfred:...  
><strong>

**Me: Anyways, I hope you are enjoying this story so far!  
><strong>

**See you next time!  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Someone suggested that I put Lovino in this story...**

**AND I WAS HIT WITH AN EXPLOSION OF ROMANO RELATED FANFIC IDEAS! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE HETALIA CHARACTERS! I'M SORRY ROMANO!  
><strong>

**Lovi- How could you forget about me bi-  
><strong>

**Me: *Covers his mouth* Watch your language.  
><strong>

**Lovi- NO!  
><strong>

**Me: Do I need to give you hug therapy?  
><strong>

**Lovi- No!  
><strong>

**Me: *hehehehe*  
><strong>

**Lovi- *angry* Why did you make so depressed?  
><strong>

**Me-Twas necessary.  
><strong>

**Lovi-...  
><strong>

**Me: Anyways this chapter is in Lovino's P.O.V. Lovino uses some colorful language, though I tried to keep it low-key. So no F-bombs or anything like that. I was focusing more on the emotion of the story rather than Lovino's use of curse words.  
><strong>

**So I hope I did a good job with writing Lovino. I've never made him even a semi-major character before, except in Taming of Romano (which I haven't worked on in MONTHS!) so I may have messed him up a little.  
><strong>

**Again- YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! Every single person who has followed, reviewed, or Favorited this story gets a hug from Kiku!**

**Kiku- N-nani?  
><strong>

**Here's the chapter now! Enjoy!  
><strong>

"Ve~ Ludwig?"

"Ja, Feliciano."

"When you come over today, I'm going to make pasta! I found a new recipe online that I would like to try."

"Feliciano I'm helping you study…"

"So? I can still make pasta right?"

"Ja…"

Lovino kept his head down in his English textbook, scratching angry red marks into the expensive paper. He didn't care that the book was school property. Romeo deserved to suffer.

"And-and-and"

"Slow down Feliciano."

Romeo deserved to feel the pain of being unloved. He deserved to feel the hurt that Lovino felt every time he was compared to his more talented younger brother. Everything he ever made always fell apart, so he simply gave up trying. This pansy of a character should feel the sense of loneliness Lovino felt on a regular basis, girls only going out with him because they were after his grandfather's inheritance, as well as the people who claimed to be his friend, even though they laughed at him behind his back, spread rumors about him and Antonio. Every one thought he was dating the Spanish bastard when he had made it perfectly clear that he was straight dammit!

Assholes. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

Lovino was only still at the school because Feliciano had landed the three of them in after school detention. Correction, Feliciano had fallen for one of Gilbert's many tricks, which had landed them in detention. Lovino still wasn't sure how he had gotten involved in the first place, only that instead of leaving the matter alone he had punched Gilbert in the face for messing with his brother.

Which resulted in Feliciano bursting into tears at the sight of such violence, and potato bastard yelling at him.

Lovino loved his little brother, he really did. He wanted nothing more than to protect him and make up for the years they had been apart. The two had grown up separately from one another, due to having divorced parents, their father died shortly after their divorce in a freak accident and their mother had left Europe to find a new life in America. His grandfather had taken in Feliciano and Lovino had been sent to Spain to live with Antonio and his family until things had settled down.

That's how their lives went, until the two were reunited and sent to live with their mother in America not long after their grandfather's death. Lovino was the oldest male, and therefore the heir to everything their grandfather had left behind and when he turned 18 he could claim it.

His mother wanted Feliciano to have it. She felt he was a more worthy son. Most days Lovino didn't even bother going home. He crashed at Antonio's house (They had moved to America the same time Lovino and Feliciano had) simply because he wanted to avoid his mother and negative feelings that seemed to crush him when he was at home. Not that he wasn't already depressed, and angry with the world.

He heard the door shut with Feliciano's tenor voice, combined with Ludwig's gruff base, disappearing behind it. He was alone.

A look through a window told him that it was raining, and he didn't have an umbrella. He capped his red pen and returned the book to the shelf in the improper place.

What was he supposed to do now?

His mother wouldn't call him to see if he was okay, she would be too busy fawning over her little angel. Feliciano would be to oblivious to notice. Spanish bastard, potato bastard and wine bastard were out doing goodness knows what, so he wouldn't hear from Antonio. He didn't have any friends or lovers; he purposely pushed everyone away with his dirty mouth and angry attitude.

He heard the library door open and he swung around to face it, think for a foolish moment that Feliciano had remembered him.

"Oh." Tea-bastard. "It's just you."

Arthur gave him a questioning look.

"Where you expecting someone else?"

"Mind your own damn business."

Arthur took the hint and went to the back of the library, disappearing from sight. Lovino saw no reason to stay, and made his way out of the library and into the hall.

He hated it, this feeling of uselessness. The feeling of being unloved.

He wished it would end.

He ducked into the bathroom, flicking off the lights. He let his eyes adjust to the sudden darkness before making his way to the back of the room. He sat on the unsanitary tile floor, pushing a used paper towel away with his foot.

Antonio had caught him the first time. Lovino had thought he was alone in the bedroom he shared with Antonio when he spent the night. The aching, crushing feelings of loss, anger and depression had pressed in on him. He hadn't thought of any other way to deal with it.

He remembered the pleasure of the physical pain over coming the emotional. He remembered the feeling of dizziness that overwhelmed him. He remembered the blood. He remembered the look on Antonio's face when he had entered the room and saw the bloody pocketknife.

Lovino had fainted that day from blood loss, he had cut a major artery by accident and it was only due to Antonio's quick thinking that he was even alive.

He wished Antonio had let him go. The afterlife had to be much more pleasant then this craphole.

Since that day he had hidden the scars on his arms. He only pressed the knife to his skin in dark rooms, when he was certain he was alone. He didn't want Feliciano to find out. It would crush him.

Lovino raked the fine tipped point down the inside of his arm. That felt better. Warm blood snaked down his arm and dripped in between his fingers, falling into the cracks of the tile. He pressed down again, next to the cut he had already made. It hurt like hell, but it was better then letting the emotion take over.

Suddenly the lights flickered to life, momentarily blinding him. He blinked rapidly as his vision cleared. The person in the doorway's green eyes were wide with shock.

He had forgotten about Arthur.

Lovino scrambled to hide his knife but it was too late. Arthur reached him within seconds, kneeling down next to Lovino's hunched form on the floor.

Arthur didn't go for the hand clutching the knife. Instead he reached out to Lovino's cut arm, which was still bleeding. He didn't say a word, he just stared at the injury. He made a move to try and stop the bleeding and Lovino jerked away.

"Don't touch me!" the Italian growled.

Arthur then reached out, took the knife gently from his grip and looked at him in the eyes. The Brit's eyes held sympathy and understanding.

Lovino didn't want his sympathy.

"Go away."

Arthur shook his head.

"I want to help you."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I'M FINE!" Lovino thrust the sleeve of his sweater over his exposed arm and tried to appear confident. He hardly knew Arthur, he was just another self-centered idiot he shared classes with.

"Obviously," Arthur's tone was slightly sarcastic, which just pissed off Lovino.

"Listen Lovino," Arthur grabbed one of his shoulders gently, "You can trust me."

"I can't trust anyone," he blurted out. He hadn't meant to say it, but it was true. Lovino had never truly placed full trust in anyone.

"I know." Lovino looked up in surprise. Arthur may be the school's resident jerk, but he had power. Teachers loved him to death, the principal practically worshiped him, and he was one of the school's most promising students. The fact that Arthur might even begin to understand was a little remarkable.

"Talk to me."

"No."

"It'll make you feel better."

Lovino doubted that, but he did anyways. He rambled on about meaningless things, combined with colorful language in both English and Italian. Once he felt comfortable, he unknowingly slipped into describing his problems to Arthur.

Every word that came out of his mouth, every noun, verb and syllable, made him feel like someone was lifting a burden off of his shoulders. He didn't realize he was crying until he reached up to touch his face and his hand came away wet.

He wasn't sure why he was spilling everything to Arthur like some over emotional teenage girl, but now that he was he couldn't stop. His couldn't get his stupid mouth to close as he let every emotion spill out in the form of words. Arthur didn't stop him, but gave Lovino a shoulder to cry on until his emotional break down came to an end.

Finally Lovino finished his display of emotion, drying his red eyes on his sleeve.

"You tell anyone about this and I'll kill you," he told the Brit.

"Good to know."

Lovino glared at him and Arthur shrugged it off with a small smile.

"Feeling better?"

Now that Lovino thought about it, he was. Admitting everything and sharing his emotions had done a better job than the cutting had. Lovino didn't expect the sudden disappearance of his depression to last, it always came back no matter what he did. His life was just to miserable.

Arthur stood and held out one hand to help Lovino to his feet. Lovino ignored the offered help and stood up clumsily. He ended up almost falling into Arthur, who didn't seemed to mind.

Arthur offered to buy him gelato at a nearby gelato shop, and although Lovino was loath to trust a teen he barely knew he was a sucker for gelato. Plus he wasn't paying, so he nodded and followed Arthur out of the bathroom reluctantly.

What the pair didn't notice was Lovino's forgotten knife, and the drying blood on the bathroom floor.

**I would have had this done earlier but after I got the suggestion to use Lovi in my story I spent a whole bunch of time on tumblr re blogging pictures of him XD**

**(Japan is still my favorite character though :D )  
><strong>

**Anyways review! And hope you are enjoying this story so far.  
><strong>

**I apologize for the long, random author's notes.  
><strong>

**Until next time!  
><strong>

**~ZeroLuver567  
><strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**I meant to focus on Alfred this chapter... but that didn't happen. I felt that there needed to be more to Lovino's little story before I had our main character come back.  
><strong>

**The principal is basically doing everything you shouldn't do when faced with a situation like Lovino's. So that's why he's such a jerk.  
><strong>

**He was going to be Germania, but I think I like him better as just some random human guy. If he plays a bigger part later I'll give him a name, but right now he's nameless.  
><strong>

**So enjoy~  
><strong>

A man with long blonde hair and blue eyes hunched over his desk, pen scratching away at some important document. As principal he prided himself in running one of the most successful schools in his district. He worked hard and did his best to have the respect of his students and staff. School had yet to start for the day, and he was already planning for the next day. He didn't need any distractions.

"Sir, the janitor found a bloody knife in bathroom down by the library. He says that it wasn't there when he was cleaning yesterday. What should we do?"

The principal dropped his pen and rubbed his temples.

"Who was here last night after hours for detention?"

"Um… the librarian, the Vargas brothers and Ludwig Beilschmidt."

"Bring them into my office during first hour. Have John bring the knife here when he's done cleaning for the morning."

"Sir, you really don't think it was one of the students do you? Ludwig and Feliciano are so nice."

"They were the only ones in the buildings last night and I am loathe to suspect my staff. Please leave me alone so I can finish this."

The secretary nodded and shut the door, leaving the man alone.

XXX

Lovino was sitting in his first hour class, head on his desk, completely ignoring the teacher when a security guard called him out.

His first thought was "What has Feliciano done this time?"

Then the rational part of his mind told him that school started barely five minutes ago and Feliciano was a model student in all of his classes. He wouldn't get himself into trouble, especially when the day had just started.

Lovino found himself in the principal's office, as he suspected, alone. The man had ignored him when he entered, continuing to scratch away with his pen. After about five minutes Lovino couldn't take the sound anymore and made a very rude sound in the back of his throat. The man looked up at him before returning his eyes back to his document.

Lovino crossed his arms and scowled, glaring at the top of the bonde's head.

The door behind him suddenly opened and Feliciano and Ludwig were ushered in by a security guard, who shut the door behind them wordlessly. Lovino shot a glare at Ludwig before directing his attention to Feliciano.

"What did you do?"

This caused Feliciano to go into panic mode, "I swear fratello I didn't do anything! I was just sitting in Art painting a puppy when a scary man came to get me!..." he kept talking about nonsense until Ludwig covered his mouth with his hand.

The principal finally dropped his pen with a sigh and focused on the students in his office.

"Good morning boys"

"Guten Morgen," Ludwig said, always polite.

"C-ciao," said Feliciano nervously.

"Screw you," said Lovino viciously.

The principal seemed to find this amusing, "Disrespectful as always, Lovino."

Lovino shrugged and looked at the wall pointedly.

The principal spread his hands on his desk, "Before I tell you why you're here, I want to make something clear. This is simple investigation, I'm not accusing any of you."

"Investigating what sir?" asked Ludwig.

"Do you know what this is?"

The boys leaned forward as the principal pulled something from his desk. Lovino struggled to keep his face impassive, but he found it to be difficult. He knew he had forgotten something.

"This knife was found in the bathroom this morning by our janitor. It wasn't there after school hours and you three, plus some teachers, where the only ones in the building after school was let out. Do you have any idea where this might have came from."

"Nein."

"No sir~" Feliciano sounded relieved. He wasn't in trouble.

The man's eyes locked with Lovino's who shook his head no. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"I see. I believe you, but just to be sure," he put the knife down on his desk, "Show me your arms."

"What?" Lovino asked in surprise.

"I have to follow the rules Lovino. This knife has obviously been used to hurt somebody. So I'm checking to make sure none of you have been harmed."

"There's a rule saying that just because we were at the school last night that you have to check us for injures? If we had been attacked we would have said so."

"I was referring to cutters, Lovino."

"What's a cutter?" asked Feliciano innocently.

For goodness sake don't tell him, Lovino silently pleaded.

The principal looked at Feliciano gravely.

"A cutter is someone who has a lot of emotional problems, such as depression. They are called cutter because they deal with those problems by taking sharp objects and cutting open their skin. They usually chose the skin on their arm."

"Does that make them feel better?" Feliciano sounded confused.

"They believe so."

"Oh. So you want to make sure none of us are cutting ourselves?"

"That's right."

"Okay~" Feliciano rolled up the arms of his tailored jacket, revealing his smooth skin. Ludwig wordlessly followed suit.

The principal met Lovino's gaze. Lovino glared at him, imagining invisible daggers digging into his skull.

"You're assuming things," Lovino told him. He could feel the raised skin of his healing cuts rubbing against his sweater sleeve. "You're assuming that it was one of us, and you're assuming that it was to inflict harm on ourselves. It doesn't seem fair."

"I don't make ALL the rules, Lovino. In this case I have to follow what the district has mandated. Please don't make this difficult."

Lovino gave him a dirty look, "Then I will make this as difficult as possible."

"Lovino I will use force if I have to. I don't want to but I will," the principal's voice was a warning tone.

"Why can't you just take our word for it that it wasn't us?"

"You're brother and Ludwig are obviously innocent, Lovino and their records are clean. Your record is against you, so I can't just take your word for it," the principal sounded frustrated.

Ludwig seemed to break control because he glared at Lovino.

"Please just do what he wants so we can leave," the German said.

Lovino glared back.

"No."

Ludwig reached out and grabbed his arms. He got Lovino in a strangle hold, and gestured to the principal. The man hesitated, before coming out from behind his desk and shoving the sleeves of the struggling Italian's sweater up his arms, exposing years of fading scars, combined with fresh new ones.

Feliciano, who had gone into panic mode, saw the damage and froze in mid-speech.

"Fratello…"

Lovino shoved the surprised German away and struggled to release the principal's hold on him.

"Stop moving Lovino, or I'll have to give you lunch time detention."

Lovino stopped, only because they were serving pasta at lunch today, which usually meant salad with tomatoes. He wasn't going to miss out on the one day they served Italian food.

The man examined Lovino's cuts and scars, including the new ones the night before. Lovino saw Feliciano's wide-eyed stare and closed his eyes. He hadn't wanted Feliciano to find out.

"Lovino, if you tell me the truth I'll be able to let you off with a small punishment. If you lie to me and my suspicions are correct, the rest of the year will be a living hell for you. Do you understand?"

Lovino nodded wordlessly and the principal moved his hands so he was holding Lovino's wrists.

"Did you do this to yourself?"

Lovino could feel Feliciano's gaze on him. He met the principal's eyes.

"Yes."

He heard Feliciano gasp but he kept himself focused on the man in front of him. He didn't want to see his face.

"When?"

Lovino stared at him.

"You want the list?"

The man raised one eyebrow at Lovino, who sighed.

"Last night, after detention."

"With what?"

Lovino glared at him, "The knife that's on your desk."

The man released him, and Lovino yanked the sleeves back down to cover his arms. He refused to meet Feliciano's gaze.

"Can I ask you why?"

"No. You wouldn't understand."

"Fair enough. I'm going to have to suspend you for bringing a dangerous object on campus and I'm going to have to let you're mother know everything that transpired. You also will be spending a lot of time in the counselor's office. Understand?"

Lovino nodded.

"Good, then you three are free to go. I believe lunch is starting soon. Have a good day."

"You too sir," said Ludwig.

As the three walked out of the office Lovino did his best to walk away from his brother as possible. The very thought of having to confront him about this terrified him. He didn't know what to even begin to say to him.

"Go on without me Ludwig," he heard Feliciano say.

"Are you sure?"

"I want to talk to Lovino."

Ludwig left to claim his lunch, leaving the brothers in a hallway that was becoming crowded with people. Feliciano took Lovino's hand and led him into a nearby classroom. He saw that it was empty and pushed him inside.

Lovino saw that they were in an English classroom, Shakespeare books lining the walls with happy, motivational poster covering all free space. It made him feel sick.

"Lovino, look at me."

He did, and instead of the disapproval he expected he saw tears.

"God, Feliciano don't cry, please."

"Why didn't you tell me you were depressed?"

Lovino was taken aback, but he narrowed his eyes.

"I didn't think it was any of your business."

"You're my brother!"

"You hardly know me!"

"That's not true! I know a lot about you. Like how love tomatoes."

"That's hardly a little known fact."

"I know you're angry at Papa for leaving us. I know you wish Mama would pay more attention to you."

"So? So what?"

"I know that you're jealous of me."

Lovino could feel it now, the crushing emotions that had led to the cutting in the first place.

"Talk to me, fratello. Don't you trust me?"

Lovino looked his little brother, and felt tears prick behind his amber eyes. Feliciano looked so sad, so heartbroken. He had done that to him.

"No, Feliciano." It was a lie, but he had to say it. He couldn't hurt his fratello anymore.

"I don't trust you."

That being said he opened the classroom door and bolted, losing himself in the crowd of students.

**I'm going to be out of town next week with no internet access so I probably won't update until after I get back. **

**Until next time  
><strong>

**~ZeroLuver~  
><strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Alright, so here is your update guys! I really like this one, especially the ending.**

**Read on!  
><strong>

Alfred closed his locker in frustration. After taking Natalia home the night before he had forgotten to do his History homework. On top of that he had forgotten to get his jacket from Arthur's place before he had gone home.

Just his luck.

"Alfred, I finally found you."

Alfred nearly ran into Arthur, who had come out of the crowd so fast he had hardly noticed him.

"Whoa. Sorry Artie didn't see you there. Is that my jacket?"

Arthur nodded, holding it out to him.

"I don't need the stupid thing taking up space in my house any longer."

Alfred pouted, "It's not stupid."

"It's full of tears and holes."

"It's well loved."

"It needs some repair. Or a dumpster."

"Who asked you?"

One of the few things that Arthur didn't know about Alfred was that he is very defensive of his bomber jacket. It was like a child's favorite toy or blanket. He felt he couldn't live without it.

The pair was still bantering when they came across Kiku and MeiMei, who had been waiting for them outside the cafeteria. Kiku's cheeks were dusted with a pink blush and MeiMei looked slightly embarrassed. Alfred wondered what they had been doing.

"How are you. Kiku?"Arthur asked.

"I'm doing well, Arthur-san, thank you."

The group continued to stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to say to one another.

"Shall we go eat?" suggested MeiMei.

"YES! I'm starving! I could eat a mountain of hamburgers."

"All those burgers are going to make you fat," said Arthur.

"Dude, I have a high metabolism, I'll be fine."

"Fratello! Wait!"

There was a murmur in the crowd of students as a boy with dark brown hair ran through the hallway knocking people to the ground.

He reached the group and hit Alfred dead on in the chest. By some miracle Alfred, stumbled but remained standing. The other person was not so lucky.

"Hey, you okay man?"

The small Italian glared up at Alfred, amber eyes wet with tears.

"F*** off," he growled. He tried to stand, but he lost his balance.

"Here, man, let me help you."

"Don't touch me!" he slapped Alfred's arm away angrily.

"Lovino, he's only trying to help."

Lovino's eyes met Arthur and he seemed to panic, scrambling backward on the slippery floor.

"Lovino? What's wrong, chap?" Arthur reached out to him, but Lovino was already up and running.

"You know him?" asked Alfred.

"Yes. It's a long story."

"I've heard about him," said MeiMei, "There are rumors that he cuts himself…."

"Those rumors would be correct," said Arthur sadly.

"How would you know?"

"Just trust me, Alfred, okay?"

"Kiku!" a boy that looked very much like Lovino ran up to the Asian, grabbing his sweater in desperation.

"F-felicano-san."

"Did you see which way my fratello went?"

"He went towards the back doors," said Kiku.

"He's probably long gone by now," said Arthur.

At these words Feliciano's shoulders slumped and he released Kiku, who stumbled away from him. MeiMei reached out to steady him.

"I… don't know what to do, Kiku," he said sadly.

"About Lovino-san?" he asked.

"Yes… he doesn't even trust me enough to tell me what's wrong. Fratello has always been different from me. I knew he was jealous and angery… but I didn't think that he would ever take such extreme measures!" Feliciano began to cry and know one needed to ask what measures he was referring to.

Feliciano was always more child-like than others, that was just his personality. Despite his stupid looks and the assumption that he was clueless, he understood a lot. Alfred shared classes with him, and he had heard the rumors, but he had never actually seen Feliciano act… so serious. Even through the tears, you could see the worry and the pain he was trying to hide.

Alfred reached out a patted Feliciano's back, while MeiMei took a tissue and helped him dry his tears, much like a caring mother.

"I…" Alfred hesitated, "I could go after him, if you want."

"W-what?" Feliciano gave him a surprised look.

"He's running from you, right? Maybe I could find him and see what's wrong… if you're that worried about him."

"You don't know him."

"No, I don't… but he and my brother are very similar. I won't make the same mistake twice."

Feliciano seemed to think about it, and he nodded. Alfred straightened and gave him an encouraging smile.

"I'll try to have him back by lunch time."

"… Thank you, Alfred."

"Anything to help."

With that he left, feeling the stares on his back as he wound his way through the crowd.

XXX

Somewhere in heaven, a certain Canadian smiled as he watched his brother. Since dying, Matthew had managed to find a sort of peace in himself, and had devoted his time to watching Alfred and those still living. So far Alfred hadn't needed too much guidance. He went on with his life, slowly turning into the hero he had always wanted to be.

Being dead also meant you had certain perks. Matthew could watch several people at once, and while most of his focus was on Alfred, he also kept an eye on his other living family, mainly his Dad.

"Child, are you going to sit here all day?"

Matthew brought himself back into his new, eternal home. He was sitting in a gazebo, surrounded by a forest that was reminiscent of his old home in Canada.

" I don't need to sleep, and the sun never sets, Grandmother," he said with a smile.

The woman smiled. Soon after receiving the news of Matthew's death, the woman had died of a heart attack, joining her grandson in heaven. The two, who once had been far apart, saw each other constantly.

"Matthew, you can't watch him forever. Eventually you'll have to move on, and let him live his own life."

"I've already left him once Grandmother. I can't do it again."

"Do you want to be trapped here forever? Matthew, this is only a fraction of what heaven really is like. Don't you want to see it?"

"I do, but right now, Alfred's more important."

Grandmother sighed and rested a hand on Matthew's shoulder.

"Sometimes… you have to let go. Staying with him, might only hurt him in the end, even if you have the best intentions."

"What do you mean Grandmother?"

She just smiled.

"You'll understand soon, my dear boy."

With that she left, returning to her own personal heaven.

Matthew stared at the place where she had left, before focusing back to what was happening on earth. He focused on his house, where his stepmom was having a fun filled afternoon with her boyfriend.

Grandmother had had nothing left on earth for her to hold on to, so she went straight to what she called "true" heaven, where most people went after they died.

Matthew, on the other hand, had died so young that it was hard to let go of who he had left behind. He would never age, never fall in love, and never live a full life. He could at least watch over Alfred, right?

His grandmother didn't think so. She was with her husband now, after years of separation. Matthew had yet to find his mother in this place. He only suspected that she was trapped in the same situation he was, unable to let go of what she had left behind.

They were trapped in purgatory.

**The concept of personal heavens and purgatory is based of the book The Lovely Bones (which is a great book by the way). It's kind of confusing, and I did a horrible job of explaining it, but I had fun writing it!**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and all the support you guys give me! This is on its way to being my most popular story! Yeah!  
><strong>

**See you next time!  
><strong>

**~ZeroLuver~  
><strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Warning: Some implyed sex, some death, and an insane drunk man**

**This is definately one of my darkest chapters yet.  
><strong>

**I apologize in advance.  
><strong>

Chapter 16

Thomas Jones was a successful man. He was rich, had a large house, with a loving wife and a successful son.

At least that was the image he gave in public.

In reality he and his wife hated each other and hardly had a civil word with each other. Alfred was hardly ever home anymore, not since his twin had died.

Ever since the death of the son he could hardly remember, he had gotten nothing but sympathy from his workers. It irritated him, and he had snapped at multiple clients. His boss had sent him home early; telling him he needed to cool off.

Thomas walked inside his home, putting his brief case down with a sigh. Maybe all he really needed was a nap. He made his way up to his master bedroom, only to hear an unfamiliar male voice coming from behind the door.

His wife's voice was there too, and it didn't sound like they were just friends.

XXX

Alfred found Lovino in the same park he and Natalia had been at before, sitting under the same tree. It seemed to be a popular spot for the kids with issues. Alfred could see why. It was short, with low hanging branches. The perfect place to hide.

"Go away,"

Alfred ignored Lovino's orders and sat down next to him anyways. For a while the two sat in silence, Lovino didn't seem to have any interest in pushing him away. In fact, he seemed lost in thought, which seemed a little uncharacteristic of him.

"Hey, Alfred."

Alfred took his eyes away from the play set and looked at the shorter teen.

"What's up?"

Lovino seemed to hesitate before curling his legs up to rest his chin on his knees.

"Have you ever felt so lost and alone… that you hurt those you love, even though you don't really mean it?"

Alfred wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he took a minute to think about it.

"Well…"

Alfred stared at his hands.  
>"I always did something to hurt Matthew, even though I never truly meant it. I've hurt so many people, peers that I didn't even know the names of. Sometimes I wonder if they ever suffered the way Matthew did, and paid the ultimate price…"<p>

"I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel like my hands are tainted. Every drop of blood that was spilled because of what I said or did covers me. It makes me feel… like a murderer."

Lovino looked at him with a strange expression, one that went away as soon as it came.

"Damn… I forgot that you're one of the popular kids."

"What does me being popular have to do with anything?"

"You have influence. Some people even call you guys bullies. The ego pumped jerks who pick on the weak."

Alfred stared at him with a blank look, before going back to staring at his hands.

"I never meant to be that way."

"Doesn't matter now, does it. You can't change the past."

Alfred remained silent. He could feel Lovino's eyes on him, waiting for a response.

"No, you can't. But you can make your own future." Alfred stood and held out his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"We're going back to school. Your brother is waiting for you."

XXX

It seemed strange to Thomas. All it had taken was a couple of beers for his brain to fully process what was going on upstairs. Of course, he wasn't even capable of thinking beyond the rage. They may not have ever gotten along, but she had never cheated on him before?

Right?

He pushed open the door to the bedroom, and was greeted with a sight he never wanted to see again. He registered Melinda jumping off the bed with a shriek, barely covering herself up with a bathrobe.

"T-thomas.. what are you doing home so early?"

Thomas ignored her and attempted to get a tighter grip on his beer bottle. The room should have appeared blurry, but in that moment he saw everything in utter clarity.

He saw his dead son, standing by the window, behind his wife, his face expressionless.

He pointed a shaky finger at him.

"You! This is all your fault!"

"H-honey? Who are you talking too?"

Thomas ignored her, glaring at the ghost.

"You brought this on yourself," said Matthew.

"Bullshit!" the drunken man took a step forward, pulling a sharp object out of his pocket, causing Melinda and the strange man to cry out.

"Thomas! Put the knife away!"

Thomas shot her a glare.

"Shut up, whore!"

She cowered, unsure of what to do.

"Thomas. I know what you're going to do. And I urge you to reconsider," Matthew was pleading.

"Go back to heaven! I don't need your help! I never wanted you anyway!"

Matthew seemed sad, but he did as asked. His ghostly form dissolved, leaving the humans alone.

"Now, where was I?"

Thomas turned and lunged toward the bed. The hardly registered the screams.

He just knew that his world was dyed red.

**I feel like I just wrote a scene for a horror movie... T.T **

**I'm horrible.  
><strong>

**On another note: TIME FOR SELF-ADVERTISING!  
><strong>

**I started an ask Mafia!Romano blog on tumblr and you guys should totally check it out. It's alot more amusing than this depressing stuff!  
><strong>

**He is currently trying to kill an evasive unicorn... XD Magic!Annons are so awesome  
><strong>

**So here is the link just take out the spaces: askmafiaromanoaph . tumblr . com  
><strong>

**I'm not even sorry for that advertising moment.  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**As I'm writing this, I'm wishing I had some type of music editing software so I can make covers and post them online…. I movie isn't very good for that apparently XD**

**I hope this chapter answer's some questions from the last chapter. This was nagging me in the back of my mind, so I'm updating now.  
><strong>

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

Alfred and Lovino entered the school just as lunch was ending. Alfred had managed to succeed in making Lovino laugh at one of his stupid jokes. He couldn't help but feel like he was making a new friend.

"Fratello!"

Lovino's angry expression returned at the sound of Feliciano's voice, only to change to surprised as the crying boy hugged him with extreme force.

"Feli-"

"I was so worried when you ran off! Don't ever do that again!"

Lovino wasn't entirely sure how to respond, but remembering what Alfred had said to him, he decided to do what he really wanted.

Feliciano was already pulling away, worried that he had done something wrong, when Lovino pulled him back and didn't let go.

"I-I'm sorry I worried you, Feliciano."

"Please, don't do it again," Feliciano buried his face in Lovino's shoulder.

The group of friends watched the exchange with smiles. Arthur caught Alfred's eye and Alfred gave him a huge thumbs up.

Matthew would have been proud of him.

XXX

Alfred kicked open the door to his house, not really paying attention as he tossed his backpack by the door and wandered into the kitchen for a snack.

As he opened the fridge, a couple of empty beer cans fell out and clattered to the floor. That's when Alfred realized there was something wrong.

The house was completely silent, usually there was some noise, his stepmom was not a silent person.

"Melinda? Melinda, you home?"

He wandered further into the house, noticing his Dad's briefcase by the door.

His dad was never home this early.

"Dad? Where are you?"

He climbed the staircase, now slightly worried. Where was everyone?

He heard a noise come from his parent's bedroom and turned that direction.

"Da-"

He was cut off when the closet behind him opened and a small pair of hands covered his mouth, pulling him inside.

"Melinda?" he pulled the hands off and stared down at the small form of his stepmother. She was almost entirely naked, and her white bathrobe was dotted red. Her eyes were terrified, and she was clutching a loaded handgun in her right hand.

"Alfred, I need you to listen to me. We don't have long before he finds us."

He nodded slowly; there was no way he was arguing with the lady holding a gun.

"Thomas came home early today… I had someone else here…"

Alfred nodded again, he didn't need her to explain that part.

"He… he walked in on us. He was drunk, and he had a knife… He kept talking to air…"

"Why would he do that?"

"He thought he was talking to Matthew…"

Alfred felt his heart jump. Matthew was here?

"He kept yelling, saying that everything was Matthew's fault… he told him to go back to heaven. After that…"

She paused, staring at the weapon in her hand.

"He murdered my boyfriend… I imagine he's still in there, mutilating his body."

Alfred stared at the red dots on her bathrobe. Matthew's ghost he could handle. Murder at his dad's hands? That was a little much.

"Is there some holiday I don't know about? April Fools Day? Halloween?"

"Alfred! Do you think I would be here if I wasn't serious?"

"No…"

"Exactly!" she thrust the gun in his hands.

"Why are you giving this to me?"

"You're better at using it than I am. I don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Alfred took the weapon in his hands.

"You want me to kill him?"

"Only if you have too."

Alfred opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by the sound of footsteps.

"Did you hear that?"

"Shh-" Alfred shushed her and clicked the gun off safety. Even if she was telling the truth, his dad wouldn't really kill him, his favorite son.

Right?

The doorknob turned slowly and Melinda placed herself behind Alfred, in

between some expensive leather jackets.

Alfred had seen enough horror movies that he thought he had known what to expect. He was instead greeted with a sight no movie could have ever prepared him for.

Thomas Jones looked much like one of the characters from The Crazies. He had blood covered limbs and clothing, holding the head of a dead man in one hand, and a bloody kitchen knife in the other.

The worst part was his eyes.

They weren't the eyes of a drunkard who was consumed with rage. Nor were they were the eyes of a mad man.

They were empty, soulless.

He dropped the head and raised the knife taking a step forward.

"I don't want to hurt you," Alfred said, his voice coming out more steady than he felt.

Thomas took another step forward, and brought the knife down, cutting through Alfred's bomber jacket. Pain laced up the limb, and Alfred forced himself to hold his ground.

Thomas raised the knife again, this time locking his soulless eyes with his son's.

There was a momentary flicker of recognition

"SHOOT HIM ALFRED!"

Without thinking, Alfred pulled the trigger. A shudder went through Thomas' body as he fell back, hitting the ground with a sickening thud.

Melinda burst into tears and buried her face in Alfred's chest. Alfred let her, stroking her hair absentmindedly with his free hand.

His entire mind was numb, and he felt like he couldn't move from where he stood. It was a grotesque sight, but Alfred couldn't take his eyes of the body of the man who raised him, lying in a pool of blood.

XXX

Sheriff Berwald Oxenstierna wasn't expecting much more than a day of police paperwork. Since the death of the Jones boy, nothing much exciting had happened in the town. He was looking forward to spending a night hanging out with his friend, Tino. Who also happened to be his deputy.

There was a knock on his office door and he grunted, signaling to whoever it was that his door was open.

"Sorry to bother you , but the Jones' neighbor called again."

"What is it this time?"

"She said she heard more gun shots at the Jones' house…"

**For those of you who haven't seen the Crazies... just do your best at imagining what Thomas Jones looks like. For those of you who have... you'll understand what I'm talking about.**

**Somehow, I think Sweden and Finland make a good crime fighting force... what do you guys think?  
><strong>

**(left you guys with a cliffhanger again. I seem to be good at those! *no regrets*)  
><strong>

**See you next time! :D  
><strong>

**~ZeroLuver~  
><strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**I love logging in and being reminded of this story. Silly little remember me button...**

**So school is starting soon so I propably won't be able to update as often, but I will do my absolute best!  
><strong>

Chapter 18

Arthur looked at his assembled group of friends, most of them new, and smiled.

After Lovino and Feliciano's moment they had decided that, since non of them where doing anything after school, they would all meet up and hang out. Alfred had been particularly excited. They all had gone home long enough to do homework, and then had met up at the food court of a nearby mall.

Kiku and MeiMei were sitting a table together, holding hands and just being a cute couple. Feliciano had dragged Lovino, and despite Lovino's protests, Ludwig. Arthur had been there right after school had ended; going home meant talking to his brothers, which he avoided on the best of days.

Alfred was the only one missing.

"Seriously, where the bloody hell is he? This was his idea in the first place," Arthur took out his cell phone angrily.

"Maybe something at home held him up," said MeiMei.

"Or he forgot," said Kiku.

"Whatever. I'm calling him," Arthur jammed the phone up to his ear. He better have one hell of an excuse.

XXX

Alfred sat on the trunk of one of the many police cars, holding his arm out silently as Deputy Toni wrapped up his injured arm. He was surprised that they hadn't thrown him a police van when they had found him with the gun, but Tino explained that as long as he remained in sight and cooperated, they weren't taking him anywhere. Yet, anyways.

Alfred waved away Tino's questions about his arm, and thanked him for tending to it. Tino seemed to understand that he wanted to be alone, and with a quick reminder to behave, left him alone.

They had blocked the streets, and a crowd had started to form. He could feel his neighbors pointing at him, saying things about Thomas Jones' son.

Alfred himself was numb to all of it. All he could see was blood. Although his hands were clean, he felt like he was covered in it and he felt guilt weigh heavily on him. He had always thought himself to be a hero, saving everyone else.

And although he had saved Melinda, he had also killed the only real family he had left.

The Sheriff was giving orders, Melinda was being questioned and there were a lot of lights. Alfred hardly registered any of it., except for the vibrating phone in his pocket.

Wait a second-

Alfred forced himself back into reality and fished his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. He saw the name and slid his thumb across the touch screen.

"Alfred? Where the hell are you?!"

"Hey Arthur…" he said, not even trying to sound cheerful.

"Not exactly the happy, annoying response I expected. What's wrong?"

"Everything…"

"That's a vague answer…"

Alfred remained silent as another wailing police car pulled up alongside the one where he was sitting.

"Was that a siren?"

"Yeah. There are police cars at my house."

"What? Why?"

Alfred didn't want to answer, but it was Arthur… He trusted him, even if they didn't know each other very well.

"I killed my father."

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Alfred promptly hung up on him and buried his face in his hands.

Saying that… had made it feel real. His father was dead, gone from this world. And it was his fault.

He stayed like that until a new sound reached his ears, the click-clack of a pair of high heels.

He looked up and found his gaze met with one that was cold and calculating. It was Natalia.

He had almost forgotten that she lived a couple streets away, and probably heard the siren. They had lived in the same neighborhood for years, not caring about each other unless it was to bicker about Ivan. So why was she here now?

What about that time in the park changed their relationship?

"You are a sad sight…" she said.

He ignored this, "How did you get through the road block?"

"I told Tino I was your friend and he let me through. We are friends now right?"

"I suppose. Why don't you sit down?"

"You'll get blood on my dress."

"I never said you had to touch me."

She sat on the car, close enough to touch him, but shying from contact.

"I'm surprised Ivan let you out."

"He's at the mall with his 'little Baltics'"

"I see."

They sat there for a while, simply watching the activity surrounding the house. Alfred saw them wheel out his father's body on a stretcher, along with his father's victim. Melinda automatically burst into tears, and it took multiple men to restrain her.

That was when Alfred's own eyes started to get wet.

"Hey, don't cry. Are you that weak?"

Alfred stared at her, touching the wetness on his cheek.

"I guess…" he whispered.

Natalia looked at him for a moment, before leaning over and giving him an awkward hug.

"What are you-"

"Shut up and except it," she growled. She was blushing a little, in a way that Alfred found cute. He leaned against her, and although his tears hadn't stopped, he felt a little bit better.

"Alfred?"

And then it was gone.

They separated quickly, Alfred taking of his glasses and rubbing his eyes on the back of his hand.

"Hey Arthur," he said sadly.

They were all there, all the people he promised to hang out with that day. They were giving him worried looks, MeiMei looked particularly freaked out. She was clinging to Kiku, watching him with nervous eyes.

"You look terrible," said Lovino.

"What happened?" asked Arthur.

Alfred stared at the asphalt below him and shook his head.

"Hey…" a pair of arms enveloped him, and he caught the sent of tea and burned scones.

"We're your friends, and we'll always be here for you. Never forget that."

Alfred felt more tears coming as one by one, more arms wrapped around his body. Lovino was, to everyone's surprise, the second person, followed by Feliciano and Kiku. MeiMei and Natalia came in last, MeiMei giving Alfred a huge smile, Natalia being a little wary of all these strange people. Ludwig was standing nearby, deep in conversation with one of the policemen.

In between the arms and the bodies pressed together, Alfred could hardly see or hear the action around him. Instead he slid off the cruiser, bringing Natalia down with him. The group stumbled around him, but didn't let go.

Somewhere in those moments he found himself laughing and crying all at once. He couldn't stop, his emotions all confused and jumbled up inside of him. He managed to catch Natalia's eye and she gave him a small smile that made everything feel better.

XXX

Matthew was standing on the street, watching as Alfred had his moment with his friends. Despite it all, Matthew felt jealous, which he knew was wrong. He was dead, wasn't he supposed to be happy now? He was more confused now than he had been in life.

Somehow the group of teens ending up collapsing on the asphalt, all of them clinging to each other as they laughed. Matthew couldn't help but smile.

"Is this what it's like… being dead?"

Matthew jumped and whipped around, coming face to face with an unexpected guest.

His father.

"Watching those you left behind for eternity… is that what being dead is about?"

Matthew started at him. This version of Thomas was new to him. He looked sad, and guilty, emotions he had never expressed in life.

"I'm told there is more to it," said Matthew, "but I just can't seem to let go."

Thomas looked at the house, memorizing every feature.

"I see."

They stood there for a moment, before Thomas directed his gaze to his only living son.

"You know Matthew… I want you to know, that no matter what I said… I always cared about you. I know you can't forgive me but I'm sorry for everything."

Matthew couldn't believe what he was hearing, but deep inside of him he hoped it was true.

"I… You're right I can't forgive you yet. But we can make up for lost time."

Thomas met his gaze, his expression sad, yet hopeful.

"Come visit me in heaven."

With that Matthew left him, leaving his father in the street.

**So Alfred hasn't been arrested... yet... or will he?**

**(I have to leave you guys with questions don't I XD)  
><strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm really not sure what happened with this chapter... a little plot bunny came and wouldn't leave. **

**Never the less I am satisfied with it~  
><strong>

**I'm not really following any official laws regarding self-defense and what not. I pretty much made it all up, since it's all different depending on what part of America you're in.  
><strong>

**So no flames or complaining about it~please~  
><strong>

**Enjoy :D  
><strong>

Alfred wasn't arrested, but Berwald and Tino, who were trying to make some sense of the events, questioned him excessively. As soon as she was able to, Melinda took off, leaving almost everything behind. She told the Chief Berwald, that as much as she cared about Alfred, he wasn't her son, and she didn't want to take care of him. So now the question remained, what was going to happen to Alfred?

He had no family, all of grandparents were dead, and his stepmother had walked out on him. The first couple of weeks he had stayed with Berwald in his apartment, but he couldn't stay there forever. He wasn't eighteen yet, so he couldn't technically have control of the money his Dad had in the bank, and until he was eighteen, the bank had hold of the house, per a rushed court decision.

Staying in one place was driving him crazy. He hadn't gone to school, as the thought of having to put on a fake smile for his friends was not appealing. His body and mind still felt completely numb, and while he was in the apartment he mostly lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He never ate, and he hardly drank much more than water. He knew he was killing himself, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care.

On the Sunday of the third week, while Berwald was on patrol with Tino, Alfred left the apartment complex, leaving nothing but a note behind. He was grateful to Berwald, but he knew if he tried this while he was home he would never let Alfred leave. Alfred couldn't stay any more. Everywhere he looked he saw happy families, siblings playing in their front yards, and he was reminded of everything he had lost. He kept thinking about Matthew, and he wondered what he was up too. So, with these thoughts in mind Alfred shouldered his backpack and began to wander the streets, unsure of where he was going.

He caught sight of a park, after about an hour of walking. He had never seen it before, his house had been in a richer, more pompous part of town. A quick investigation told him he was on the outskirts of town, in the area that was considered to be the poorest and most crime infested. He suddenly felt very tired, and he realized just how far away he was from home, his friends, and his school life.

He wondered what would happen if he just… left. And didn't come back.

He wandered the deserted park, listening to the creak of the swings in the breeze. He caught sight of a wooden bench and made his way toward it, only to find it occupied by a homeless person. A very familiar homeless person…

"Arthur?" asked Alfred. The Brit stirred in his sleep but didn't wake up.

"Hey! Arthur! Wake up!" he shook his friend roughly. Arthur promptly woke up, sitting up so fast that his head nearly collided with Alfred's.

"What the bloody- Alfred?!" Arthur got up and grasped him by the shoulders, like he was a ghost that would disappear if he let go.

Alfred frowned at Arthur, who looked like he hadn't taken a shower of had a decent meal in a week. His usually messy blonde hair was flat and greasy, and his clothes were rumpled and stained.

"Arthur…what are you doing here? What happened?"

Arthur looked away, and stared toward the edge of the park, which broke off and merged with a dense forest.

"We… were looking for you."

"What?"

Arthur put his fingers to his lips and whistled a long note. Almost immediately there was the rustling of leaves from all sides, as people made their way over to him.

The first to step into view was Natalia, her usual dress replaced with jeans and a t-shirt. There were some twigs stuck in her hair, and a her usual hard look was replaced with one of surprise at the sight of him. Alfred couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was, before he mentally slapped himself. He needed to focus right now.

After her came the familiar angry face of Lovino, who seemed to have abandoned his designer, more fashionable clothes for a look very similar to Natatlia's. He wore a dark t-shirt, what appeared to be tight fitting jeans and a hoodie. Alfred noticed that Arthur was also wearing something similar.

The next to join them actually came as a surprise to Alfred. Kiku and MeiMei appeared, hand in hand, small smiles on their faces. Of all the people, they were the least likely, in Alfred's opinion, to be out here.

"What's going on?" Alfred resisted the urge to scream. It was all so confusing.

"You might want to sit down," said Arthur.

Alfred did as he was told and crossed his arms.

Arthur sighed at sat next to him.

"You know how my brothers and I fight a lot?"

"Yeah…"

"About a week ago, James caught Emily with Francis. It was horrible, he was drunk, and I had never seen him so angry. Bryn took Peter into his room and locked the door. Emily came to me, asking me to help her calm James down…

I won't give you details, but it ended with James kicking me out of the house and telling me that he never wanted to see my sorry face again. So I left, and after a day or so of wandering I got to about the place where your house is and I found Natalia."

Alfred looked at Natalia, who was looking at him with a cold expression.

"She said that she had just run away from home, that Ivan had finally snapped."

Natalia nodded, "My older sister had told me not to, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the screaming…"

Alfred saw the look in her eyes and decided not to press for details.

"We formed an alliance of sorts and we wandered until we found this place. Lovino was already here…"

"I didn't feel like leaving," Lovino said angrily.

"Did you run away too?"

"So what? Felicano is better off without me."

"What about Antonio? Isn't he your friend?"

Lovino stiffened at Antonio's name and shot Alfred the death glare.

"Okay… I guess not."

Arthur continued his story, giving Lovino a worried look.

"When we met up with each other, we all had the same feeling, that we shouldn't leave. We wandered the town and slept here every night, until yesterday, when Kiku and MeiMei showed up."

Kiku nodded, "A few days after you stopped coming to school, I received word that my father had died in an accident, while on a business trip in Japan."

Alfred nodded slowly. Kiku's mother had died when he was little, leaving his dad to raise him alone. His dad was hardly ever home, so Kiku usually just took care of himself.

"MeiMei invited me to stay with her, while things were sorted out. The bank took our house back, it turns out my father was very behind in house payments and her family just sort of adopted me…

Then Yao-san and I got into a fight. He threw me out of the house, much like what happened to Arthur-san… but MeiMei-chan insisted on going with me. I told her not to, but she was insistent."

"Wherever Kiku goes, I go too," MeiMei said, before looking up at Kiku with a loving expression.

"Does anyone else think it's weird... how we were all drawn to the same place?" asked Alfred.

"Da…" said Natalia. She sat down on the bench next to Alfred with a sigh.

"We thought… that maybe it had something to do with you," she said.

"Why me?" he asked.

"Because… you seem to be the center of our new social group. And you're the only one that was missing," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

They sat there in silence for a moment, before Alfred spoke.

"So… what now?"

"We can't go back," said Arthur, "Not all of us anyways."

"Not all of us are eighteen yet."

"Lovino is," said Arthur, "And so is Kiku."

"Do we have any money?"

Kiku held up a credit card, "I have access to what's left of my father's savings. It's not much, but it will be enough for now."

"Until when?"

"Until we get far enough away from here."

Alfred retreated back into silence for a moment. They were all planning on running away and never coming back. The idea, while crazy and illegal, suddenly seemed not so bad.

"So where are we headed?"

XXX

Matthew felt like a failure.

He had managed to keep them all together, but that was all he had been able to accomplish. He had tried to impress on them that running away was a bad idea, but their hearts were set on it, long before he tried to intervene.

He never had wanted this, but as he watched everything seemed to be falling apart. He felt Alfred begin to slip away from him, and the loss hurt Matthew more now than it ever had in life.

All of the sudden, his Grandmother's words came back to him.

"_Sometimes… you have to let go. Staying with him, might only hurt him in the end, even if you have the best intentions_."

Was trying to keep Alfred from moving hurting him. Maybe if he left, he would be able to find the closure and peace that he needed, after losing so much in such a short span of time.

At the same time, however, Matthew wanted him to stay. The East coast town that Alfred had grew up in, and that Matthew had lived for a short while, was a place that Matthew was loathe to give up on. He had made up his mind long ago, that he would stay with Alfred no matter what, but is leaving it behind the best choice Alfred can make?

As Matthew struggled with his own, more selfish motives for trying to get his brother to stay in his hometown someone placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Mother!" Matthew cried. He reached out and enveloped her in a crushing hug, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you, Matthew," she hugged him back, a smile on her face, "I've finally found peace. It's time you did too."

"What do you mean? Mother, I don't understand."

"I know it's hard for you to except, but Alfred's growing up. He's leaving you behind, and you don't like it. Am I right?"

Matthew couldn't bring himself to speak.

"You feel like he's forgetting you again, and that if he leaves home, he'll forget you completely."

It wasn't a question, and Matthew was suddenly struck with the truth of her words.  
>"Yes… Mother I don't understand! Why is everyone else moving on and I'm still stuck here?! I thought once I died things would be different! But it's not!" he buried his face in her shoulder, and tried not to cry.<p>

"You need to accept the fact that you're dead. Once you can do that, things will get better. I promise, Matthew."

They stood like that for a long time, mother and son, watching as their one living family member boarded as bus headed west.

**I think this is one of my longest chapters... **

**School has started, so updates might not be as often, but I will do my best!  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading~  
><strong>

**See you next time~  
><strong>

**~Zeroluver~  
><strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**I have plans for everything in this chapter just so you know.**

**So please don't kill me.  
><strong>

**Kill the plot bunnies.  
><strong>

**There are somethings in here that I think some people are going to kill me for, however I based this whole story (most of it anyways) and a lot of this chapter on real life experiences. Everything I'm writing about is based off of the realities of the teens I see/read around and about me on an every day basis.  
><strong>

**This story means a lot to me because of that, which I why I want you all to understand why I keep adding some things to the plot that I might not normally put in any other story.  
><strong>

**Because I'm trying to keep this story as real as I can make it while it still being fanfiction, and pretty much everything in here are issues you can find in a regular high school (public) school environment (at least here in America where I live~)  
><strong>

**Warnings: Some more semi-implyed sex, Natalia has a moment that is kinda OOC, some things that may seem OOC are explained (to an extent), and a flashback  
><strong>

**I'm sorry if I confuse anyone. All will be explained in due time (I hope...)  
><strong>

**Also I know next to nothing about the geography of New York State (or most of the East Coast, aside from Maryland, West Virgina and the DC Area), so I will be getting them out of there as quickly as possible. I have nothing against New Yorkers or people from the East Coast, it's just unfamiliar to me.  
><strong>

Alfred leaned his head up against the glass, gazing out at the New York countryside as it passed by him. He knew he had made a rash decision when he had decided to go with his friends to who knows where, but at the moment it had seemed like a good idea. There was no going back now. Berwald was probably already putting together search parties to look for him. Once he realized so many other kids were gone, it would only be a matter of time before he put word out nationally. It was uncommon an unfathomable that so many kids would disappear from one small East coast town.

"Come on Alfred, we're getting off."

Alfred peeled his face off the glass and adjusted his glasses. Night had fallen not to long ago, and the bus stop they were at appeared to be run down and grimy. It was nothing like where he grown up.

They stood on the dark sidewalk, as if they were unsure of where they were going.

"Shouldn't we find a hotel?" asked Arthur.

"Hotels cost money, and we don't have a lot of that," grumbled Lovino.

"I think we can spare enough for at least one night, Lovino-san," said Kiku, "As long as it's nothing fancy."

"Then lets go find one. It would be nice to sleep in a clean bed," said Arthur.

"And shower," said MeiMei.

The decision made, the group set off. Alfred noticed that Natalia was hanging back, and he slowed his pace to match hers.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," said Natalia. She picked up her pace, as if trying to get away from him.

Alfred wasn't the type to give up without a fight. He ran up behind her, causing her to jump.

"Come on Natalia. I know a horrible lie when I hear one. What's bugging you?"

"I don't see why it's any of your business, Jones."

"Come on, Natty. I want to help you."

"And I don't want your help!" she stormed her way in-between Kiku and MeiMei, and rushed ahead.

Kiku and MeiMei turned to look at Alfred, who was trying to follow. MeiMei pushed him back with a firm shove, and he looked at her in surprise.

"I think you should leave her alone right now Alfred. She's been through a lot," MeiMei said gently.

"So have I!" said Alfred indignantly.

"We all have, Alfred. Just give her some space. She'll talk when she's ready," MeiMei gave him a smile, before taking Kiku's hand and rushing to catch up to the others, leaving Alfred to follow.

**XXX Kiku's P.O.V XXX**

The hotel they found was defiantly not the nicest he had ever stayed in, but considering the circumstances he couldn't complain. The room had one bed, which had rumpled sheets, like they had been thrown on in haste. The bathroom, looked in about the same state of disarray, and it had no warm water. There were some unidentifiable red spots on the beige walls, that Lovino thought was either tomato sauce or blood from a murder. Kiku sincerely hoped it was the first option.

To maximize space, and use as little money as possible they had decided to split into groups of two. Alfred had immediately latched on to Arthur, and since Kiku had been friends with Alfred long enough to know his sleeping habits he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the Brit. The girls were put in one room, MeiMei seemed a little terrified of sharing a room with Natalia, but they didn't really have much choice. That had left KIku to room with Lovino, whom he hardly knew. He hoped he would actually get some sleep, despite his general dislike of being close to people.

Lovino was staring out the window into the vacant streets, and as Kiku watched him he noticed little things. There was a kind of vulnerability in his expression that the Italian never showed anyone. Kiku wondered if he even knew he was there.

"Hey, Lovino-san," the Italian didn't even flinch, "Are you alright?"

There was a long pause, before Lovino sighed and rested a hand up against the dirty glass.

"Do you think we did the right thing by leaving?" asked Lovino.

Kiku pondered the question for a moment.

"It was the best option."

"We could have gone back, and tried to fix our mistakes."

"I don't think Yao would be willing to forgive me, even now," Kiku laid down on the bed, sincerely hoping that there were no bed bugs.

"What did you do that Yao got so angry about? You don't seem like the kind of guy who would do anything bad… What did you do, knock up his sister?" he said with a small laugh. Kiku knew he was referring to MeiMei… at least he hoped so since Yao had two sisters.

Kiku turned over and refused to look at him. He didn't want his actions (could be considered mistakes) thrown in his face, even if it was unintentionally.

Lovino seemed to notice his change in attitude and came to a sudden realization.

"You didn't…"

"Shut up…"

"I never thought you were that kind of guy."

"I'm not."

"Sure you are. That's why you're here right? Cause you totally did not have sex with your girlfriend and pissed off her older brother. You're here because your life is great just like the rest of us."

Kiku couldn't come up with any response to his sarcasm, and buried his face in his pillow. Why was being a teenager so hard? (Technically he's 18.. but he's still in high schools that's close enough)

"It was only with MeiMei… and I didn't mean for it to happen."

"That's what they all say," Lovino's voice was unexpectedly bitter.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't," Lovino made a cross over his heart, "Cross my heart and hope to die."

Kiku smiled and threw a pillow at him.

"Go to sleep, Lovino-san"

**XXX Natalia's POV XXX**

Natalia stared at the ceiling, eyes following the swirls of the cracking dry wall that was being to show through the thick coat of paint. MeiMei had disappeared into the bathroom almost the moment they had entered the room and had yet to emerge. Natalia vaguely wondered if she was allright.

MeiMei finally emerged with wet hair, and flopped down on the bed next to Natalia.

"I think I might be getting sick…" she muttered.

Natalia looked at her from the corner of her eye.

"Why do think that?"

"The past couple of weeks I've been waking up in the morning feeling nauseous and I've thrown up a couple of times,…" she said tiredly.

Natalia made a split second decision and rolled over, placing her hands on either side of MeiMei's head as she propped herself up over the smaller female. MeiMei sqeaked in surprise but found herself unable to move out from underneath Natalia.

Natalia wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, only that the symptoms she had vaguely described reminded her distinctly of the time when Kayata had been pregnant. When she had been a freshman in college, the more heavily endowed girl had been caught prey by a man who had basically used her for personal pleasure and then never saw her again. Kayata had been messed up for ages afterwards, but now little Nikolai was growing up fast. He would be five soon.

Natalia searched MeiMei's face for something, some kind of unnamable emotion or look that had seemed to reach her sister's eyes during those nine months almost five years before.

There it was.

"Get up," Natalia ordered.

"What? Why?"

"I have a hunch."

"On what?"

"On your illness. Let me ask you something first."

"Okay…" MeiMei looked a little freaked out.

"Have you had sex with anyone recently? Kiku?" Natalia wasn't one to screw around when it came to these things.

MeiMei immediately turned bright red and began to stutter.

"Thought so. Come with me," Natalia wrenched open the door to their room.

"Where are we going?" asked MeiMei hesitantly.

"To get Kiku's credit card and find a drug store or something."

"You think I'm pregnant…"

"It's a possibility."

"I really don't think that's likely…"

"Wouldn't you rather be safe than sorry?"

MeiMei fell silent, before nodding.

"Thought so," she took MeiMei's arm and began leading her down the hall to the room Kiku shared with Lovino.

"What are we going to tell him?" she whispered.

"Just tell him we need 'girl stuff'. It's not exactly lying and he won't ask questions. He'd be too embarrassed."

"That's true…"

"Then come on then," Natalia stepped up to the door and knocked on it, with a little more force than was necessary.

**XXX Arthur's POV XXX**

Of all the people he got stuck with, it had to be Alfred.

It's not that he disliked him, his usual bright cheer was able to light up the room, a change that Arthur was often secretly grateful for.

Being in alone with an Alfred who was depressed, now that was a totally different scenario.

"Alfred are you going to sigh at the ceiling all night, or are we actually going to get some sleep."

"Sigh at the ceiling…"

Arthur gave him a quizzical look. That was the most dead retort he had ever gotten from Alfred. Something was seriously wrong.

"Hey Alfred…" no reply. Arthur sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. He hadn't noticed it before, but the usual happy look in Alfred's eyes seemed to be gone. In its place was a dull, saddened look that Arthur was accustomed to seeing on adults who had been through more than they could handle.

Arthur gave him a gentle poke in the side, "Hey~ Alfred~"

"I keep thinking that I see him. It's like no matter where I look I can't get him out of my head…"

"Who? Your father?"

"No. My brother," Alfred rolled over, away from Arthur and stared out the window.

"Like now for instance… He's in the window.. watching me."

Arthur, despite himself, looked up at the window.

"Oh my god…"

"What? It's just me…"

"No… I see him too."

"Matthew?"

"Yeah…"

The pair refocused their attention on the window, where a certain Canadian was standing, watching them from the glass.

"Matthew?" Alfred stood and moved closer, "Matthew is that you?"

Matthew didn't move. He just… looked at him.

"Matthew… is there something you want? Tell me."

Matthew didn't open his mouth, instead he closed his eyes and pressed a hand up against the glass.

"I don't…"

"Alfred… look behind him," Arthur whispered.

Alfred's eyes widened a little as a form came up behind his brother. It was a woman, about the same height as Matthew. She had Matthew's hair color, but a very familiar pair of sparkling blue eyes.

Alfred let out a strangled gasp, and nearly fell down onto his knees.

Arthur looked at the newcomer and as things clicked together his eyes widened.

It was Alfred's mother.

**XXX Alfred's POV XXX**

"Mom…" Alfred whispered.

"Sweetheart," the woman's gentle voice washed over him and he had never felt so safe and secure.

Alfred couldn't take his eyes off of her. Although he had never known her before she had died, Alfred had always imagined what she would be like, and how she would look.

The reality was one hundred times more wonderful.

"I'm sorry I was never there for you. I always wanted to be, and I'm sorry I didn't get to see you grow up," she touched the glass, like she could overcome the barrier. Since she's a ghost she probably could.

Alfred got to his feet and rushed toward the glass, pressing his hand up against the spot where his mother's was. He wasn't quite sure how he should feel. At the moment all he could feel was an overwhelming sense of wonder.

Then she was gone, and so was Matthew.

**XXX Lovino's POV XXX**

**(Since people were asking what had happened between Lovino and Antonio, here is a lovely extra flashback for you all!)**

**Flashback**

_There were certain things that Lovino hated._

_ Pain, hunger, lonliness._

_ Most of all he hated the feeling of betrayal. That was part of the reason he pushed everyone away. Because contact meant pain, conflict and betrayal._

_ He couldn't stand to have his heart broken._

_ "Lovi~what up!"_

_ Lovino, despite himself, stopped. It was stupid of him, all he ever did was let Antonio get his hopes up, only to have them crushed and tossed away._

_ "You walk so fast Lovi," and there he was, in all his sparkling, oblivious, glory. He thought he could make everything better just by existing, and smiling._

_ Of course it never worked out that way. _

_ Not this time. _

_ "Gilbert, Francis and I are having a party tonight. You should totally come!"_

_ Lovino felt his temper rise, as his hot temper made itself known._

_ "After last time?! I seriously cannot believe you would even bother asking me that!"_

_ Antonio looked confused, which only lead to Lovino becoming even more angry._

_ "Did you seriously forget the one party I ever went to with you, where you completely ignored me and I found you afterwards naked in bed with the one girl I liked?"_

_ Antonio's smile was gone._

_ "I thought you'd be over that by now…"_

_ "Well you thought wrong," Lovino turned to leave, when Antonio grabbed his wrist."_

_ "Lovino… please. I'm sorry."_

_ Lovino shook him off._

_ "Is that why you always pretend to be my friend? Because your sorry? For stealing the one thing I had asked everyone not to take away from me?"_

_ Antonio didn't answer, probably thinking back to the little Belgian girl that Lovino had had a crush on freshman year. _

_ She had been Lovino's first crush, and back then, although he had still had his angry attitude, Lovino had been a much more pleasant soul to be around. _

_ Of course the family issues had still been there but he had a different way of expressing his emotions and problems._

_ Until that betrayal._

_ After he witnessed that, from his only true friend as well, something inside of Lovino had snapped, broken him beyond repair._

_ Over the past two years, Lovino had tolerated Antonio, hoping that somehow things would get better._

_ It hadn't._

_ In fact, everything in his life just seemed to be slowly crumbling to pieces._

_ Antonio had tried to help, he really had, and Lovino knew that._

_ He just couldn't take the half-hearted attempts anymore._

_ He was better off alone._

_ "Hey Antonio."_

_ "Hmm. Yeah?"_

_ "Thanks for trying… but you can't help me. We can't be friends anymore," Lovino began to walk away. As Antonio called after him he felt himself speeding up, before reaching a speed that he knew that Antonio could never match._

_ He didn't want to explain, he didn't want to see Antonio's hurt look marring his face._

_ Most of all, he didn't want Antonio changing his mind, making him stay, just as he always had many times before._

**YEAH It's done~ And I have a lot more explaining to do in the next couple of chapters...**_  
><em>

**I'm probably going to get flames and hate for some of this... however just so you know I do have a plan.  
><strong>

**A very long and intricate one, but a plan nonetheless.  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading~  
><strong>

**Sorry of I confused anyone~  
><strong>

**I hope you keep reading~  
><strong>

**Until next time~  
><strong>

**~ZeroLuver~  
><strong>


	21. Chapter 21

** Chapter is not as long as I wanted it to be and is filled with delicious fluff~**

**Enjoy~  
><strong>

Chapter 21

XXX Alfred's P.O.V. XXX

The next morning, he was sitting in Kiku's room, half heartedly picking at the donuts that the Asian had bought for them. Arthur was giving him a worried look from across the room, where he sat on the floor next to Lovino. Natalia had taken up the only chair in the room, leaving Kiku and MeiMei to take up one bad, and Alfred the other.

MeiMei wasn't eating much, and was doing about the same thing Alfred was. She looked nervous.

Kiku seemed to be picking up on this and was whispering in her ear, undoubtly trying to find out what wrong.

Natalia was still ignoring Alfred, and had chosen to direct her attention to MeiMei, who she seemed to be having a mental conversation with.

Lovino… well he just didn't give a f**k.

"Are you going to eat that, hamburger bastard?"

With a sigh, Alfred tossed the remains of his donut at Lovino, who instantly devoured it.

The room stared at him in shock.

"You… are actually giving up a donut," said Kiku in disbelief.

"The apocalypse must be coming," said Natalia.

Except Arthur.

"Please, leave him alone. A lot of things happened last night."

Lovino raised his eyebrows.

"What kind of things?" he asked.

Arthur stared at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about-"

"Are you implying something… sexual, Lovino-san?" asked Kiku, who was still staring at MeiMei.

"Maybe~" said Lovino with a very sarcastic grin.

Arthur turned bright red.

"Bloody hell! That's just sick!"

"And you are very slow," said Lovino, wiping the crumbs off his shirt.

Alfred got up, hands clenched at his side.

He couldn't be in a room where everyone was happy. He needed a place to think, and sort out his emotions after last night.

"I'll be back," Alfred picked up his hotel key off the dresser and walked out the door.

XXX MeiMei's P.O.V. XXX

"What? No goodbye?" asked Lovino sarcastically.

"He seemed upset," stated Natalia.

"He was," said Arthur sadly, "No, is would be a better word."

"What happened? I've never seen him eat… so little," said Kiku. As he said this MeiMei could feel his eyes on her, pleading, begging to know what was wrong.

Nothing was wrong really, she was just nervous.

And scared.

"It's not for me to tell you," said Arthur, who sipped at his convenience store brand tea with a look of disgust. "Horrible flavor…" he muttered.

"Next time, I'll get you something different, Arthur-san," Kiku rested a hand on top of MeiMei's, which were resting in her lap. MeiMei stared at their hands, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Hey, Kiku?"

"Hmm, hai,MeiMei?" Kiku looked at her curiously.

She took his hand into hers and stood up.

"MeiMei?" he stood up with her, a confused expression on his delicate face.

"I have something I want to tell you," she said softly.

"Okay…" he followed her out of the room and down the hallway to the room she was sharing with Natalia.

Once she closed the door, she let go of his hands and stood by the window, staring out of it.

Kiku came up behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her torso.

"What's wrong MeiMei?" he asked.

She closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace.

"MeiMei?" he asked again.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered.

She felt Kiku stiffen behind her, but he didn't let go.

"MeiMei?"

"Hmm?"

"…Are you serious?"

"This isn't something I would joke about…"

"I know." He tightened his grip on her slightly and she put her hands on his arms.

"I'm scared Kiku," she whispered.

"I am too," he said softly into her ear, "But you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm always going to be with you. We'll get through this together okay?"

"…Really?"

"Really. I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that."

She closed her eyes again, and they stood there in silence. If had been any other guy, she probably would have never believed him. However, because it was him she believed every word he said.

They would get through this, the running away, the baby, their family situations.

And they would do it together.

Because, after all, who else did they have but each other?

XXX Natalia's POV XXX

Natalia had left soon after Kiku and MeiMei had, mainly because Lovino was annoying the hell out of her, leaving the hotel in the same general direction that she thought Alfred might have taken. She didn't understand how Kiku and MeiMei could love each other so much. She knew what MeiMei had to tell him, and she hoped that everything worked out for them.

To be honest, she never really understood most couples. She had never understood the pink flowers, and simple gestures of love and affection. For her, it had always been "becoming one" with her brother, until she had finally realized that it would never happen. That day was the same one that she had found Alfred underneath that tree.

When she had seen him sitting there, she was not only surprised to see him, but she was immediately struck with how vulnerable he had looked. That look was becoming more and more common on his face, and she still couldn't get used to it. She couldn't help but become worried about him.

Gosh… what was she saying?

She looked up and saw and saw an unexpected sight.

Alfred was sitting on a bench nearby, hunched over, staring at his folded hands. She stopped on the empty sidewalk and stared at him.

_Don't just stand there, idiot, go say something._

Natalia approached him a little cautiously, unsure of how to even talk to him.

"I can see you."

Natalia blinked and saw that he was staring at her, his baby blue eyes filled with happiness.

At the same time, the orbs were also dim, and were missing something that they used to have.

"Don't just stand there, sit down."

Natalia sat on the farthest end of the bench her heart pounding widely in her chest.

_Get it together, Natalia. He's just Alfred. You shouldn't be this nervous._

"Did you follow me?" he asked.

"Not intentionally…"

"Hmmm"

"Hey Alfred…"

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

Alfred didn't say a word and Natalia kept her head down, so he couldn't see her face

"Hey, Natalia?"

"Yes?" she raised her head, only to be met by desperate lips pressing up against her own.

**OMG AMERBEL FLUFF~**

**Fail JapanxTaiwan moment... I wanted them to kiss... but it didn't happen...  
><strong>


	22. Chapter 22: Suicide Awareness Day

**My Ame/Bel fluff kinda died.. But this was mostly written for suicide awareness day... SO ENJOY!**

Chapter Suicide Awareness Day

XX Alfred's POVXX

Alfred pulled away from Natalia with a slight smile, noticing her slight blush.

"What was… what did you do that for?"

He didn't answer, but leaned in to kiss her again.

This time she kissed back, her lips soft against his, but all to soon she was pushing him away.

"Alfred stop avoiding the question!"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

Alfred looked away, and stared across the street. He caught sight of a sign that said Library. Which meant there was probably Internet access.

"I don't want to talk about it," he stood up, adjusting his shirt.

Natalia stared at him for a moment, and he turned to her with a forced smile.

"I'm going to the Library. Do you want to come with me?"

Natalia nodded slowly and took his hand. They crossed the street together, clinging to each other as if their life depended on it.

Maybe it did.

XXX Gilbert's POV XXX

The moment Gilbert entered his first class he knew something was up.

He had arrived late as usual, prepared with an (awesome) excuse that the teacher had stopped asking for. He sat down and put his feet on his desk. He didn't even bother to take out his notebook, the only class he actually paid attention in was engineering.

He heard someone whisper his name and his red eyes immediately sought out the culprit. It was the Vietnamese girl, Lein. Rumors about why her sister ran away had been floating around school gossip recently. They stared at each other for a moment, before she turned her attention back to the front of the class. He dimly noticed she was wearing yellow.

In fact everyone in the room was wearing yellow.

He looked down at his blue shirt and shrugged, he was just too awesome to follow the trends.

However he did wonder why everyone was dressed like an over-ripe banana.

He pulled out his phone, ignoring his teacher's glare and made a quick status update.

**The-Awesome-Me: Yo, guys, what up with all the yellow people today?**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Gilbert, its not nice to make fun of Asians.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: I think he's talking about all of the people who are wearing yellow today, Antonio.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: You mean the stuff for suicide awareness day?**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Oui.**

** The-Awesome-Me: The fuck is that shit?**

** Splendid-Frenchman: We talked about it yesterday…**

** The-Awesome-Me:…**

** The-Awesome-Me: I must have forgotten.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Clearly.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Are you not wearing yellow, amigo?**

** The-Awesome-Me: No way, yellow is only an awesome color on Gilbird.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: You wouldn't even wear it to raise awareness for serious problems?**

** The-Awesome-Me: No way man, I'm not thinking about killing myself anytime soon.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Some people are….**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Most people are wearing yellow because of Matthew.**

** The-Awesome-Me: Who?**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Alfred's brother… the one who committed suicide. Remember?**

** The-Awesome-Me: Nope~**

** Splendid-Frenchman: …**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Gilbert… really?**

** The-Awesome-Me: Ja…**

** Splendid-Frenchman: I think I'm going to go back to paying attention to class.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Si. Me too…**

** The-Awesome-Me: Hey! Don't leave me!**

** Splendid-Frenchman: You know, some of us actually have feelings. I wonder what Alfred would say. Actually, I know what he'd say.**

** Wandering-Hero: I know what I would say too.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: AMIGO! Long time no talky~**

** Wandering-Hero: I finally found a place with Internet access. I thought I'd see what everyone was up to..**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Where have you guys been?!**

** Wandering-Hero: If I told you, it would defeat the purpose of running away.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Is Lovi with you? I miss him.**

** Wandering-Hero: He's with the others back at the hotel. He's fine.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: When you see him, please tell him I'm sorry. And that I miss him and I'm worried about him.**

** Wandering-Hero: Sure.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: How are you holding up?**

** Wandering-Hero: I was fine until I saw Gilbert's posts… Now I'm just pissed. When did you guys start caring all of the sudden?**

** Splendid-Frenchman: … I'm sorry. We were horrible friends to you…**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Si… I'm sorry amigo.**

** Wandering-Hero: It's a little too late for sorry.**

** I-Hate-Antonio: Hell yeah it is.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: LOVI! IS THAT YOU?  
>I-Hate-Antonio: Don't talk to me bastard, I'm still mad at you. Alfred, I'm borrowing some guys phone. We need you back the hotel.<strong>

** Wandering-Hero: I'm on my way.**

** The-Awesome-Me: Bye-bye~ Don't come back~**

** Wandering-Hero: You are an asshole, Gilbert. You always have been.**

**-Wandering-Hero has logged out-**

**-I-Hate-Antonio had logged out-**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Bye…**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: DON'T GO! LOVI!**

** The-Awesome-Me: Who needs them anyways. Losers.**

** Splendid-Frenchman: Screw you Gilbert… just screw you.**

** Tomatoes-Are-Delicious: Si, what he said.**

** -Splendid-Frenchman has logged out-**

** -Tomatoes-Are-Delicious has logged out-**

** The-Awesome-Me: … fine. I see how it is.**

**-The-Awesome-Me has logged out-**

XXX Lovino's POV XXX

Lovino handed the bewildered stranger back his phone and ran back to the others. They were assembled outside of the hotel. They had been looking for Alfred, calling his cell phone, which they now knew didn't work, before Lovino had thought maybe to try contacting him through the social networking site. It had been a stretch but it had worked.

Lovino tried hard not to think about Antonio as he finally came to a standstill next to Arthur.

"Did it work?" Arthur asked.

"Yes. They are on their way," he stretched. He had gotten a pretty good night sleep last night, but he was still tired. He had woken up early and hadn't been able to go back to sleep.

Arthur was talking to Kiku and MeiMei, who apparently had some kind of news to tell the group. Lovino didn't think too much into it, he didn't know what went on with couples and now, thanks to Antonio, he probably never would.

He stared at his bare arms, he hadn't cut himself since they had left. Which meant that he still had a lot of healing scars and cuts. Now that he was away from his family, however, he felt better. He wasn't happy, not by a long shot, but he didn't feel depressed anymore.

The conversation with Antonio, although short, had completely rocked him and his resolve was starting to crumble, the feelings coming back.

He thought about the broken ruler pieces and razors he had in his backpack upstairs and shook his head. He had made a promise to himself, he wasn't going to do this anymore. For once in his life, he was going to try to be happy….

He was firm in his resolve…. But why did it hurt so damn much?

**I just had to end it on a sad note...**

**Note: GUESS WHAT GUYS! I"M GOING TO GERMANY FOR 3 WEEKS! *with school, student exchange program* (The city I'm going to is in former East Germany. I'm so excited! We're going to Prague too!) I'm leaving on the 28th so if I don't update before then, it means I'm busy getting ready.  
><strong>

**See you next time :D  
><strong>


	23. Chapter 23: Memories of Fire

**I wrote this while listening to Mad World... So beautiful and sad...**

**I'm really sorry for not updating. I lost the update while I was in Germany due to a broken flash drive so I had to re-write it...**

**On the upside I had a lot of fun while I was there! :D**

XXX Alfred's P.O.V. XXX

Alfred shut off the computer with more force than was necessary, which caused Natalia to jump next to him. He could feel her gentle eyes watching him with a worried expression, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The anger coursing through him was causing his thoughts to spiral out of control. He couldn't focus completely, and by the time he actually made it out of the library he was fairly sure he had pissed off the workers. Not that it mattered, it's not like he was ever going back there again.

He made it to the bench that he and Natalia had sat on before. He could feel her gentle hand on his, trying to get him to come back to his senses.

To be honest he didn't want to. All he wanted was to let out his pent up anger and lash out at something. But he couldn't hurt her, and he didn't want to scare her. He wasn't even aware that he was shaking until she wrapper her arms around him. He could feel her pressed up against his back, and he felt guilty. Now was not the time for him to be breaking down like this.

They stood like that for a few minutes. Alfred forced himself to take calming breaths, and he slowly let his emotions out that way. Natalia seemed to sense this, and let go. She took his hand and came around to face him, looking up into his eyes with a question.

"I'm fine," he said as reassuringly as possible, "I just over reacted." Natalia looked skeptical but she nodded. She appeared not to want to say anything, which was just fine with Alfred. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and sighed.

"Lets head back," he suggested, "We don't want to keep the others waiting."

Natalia nodded again, and looked down. Alfred wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but he didn't press it. Not yet. He was just happy that she hadn't abandoned him.

Alfred led her back to the hotel, keeping her hand locked tightly in his. Her other hand was clutching at her dress and she refused to look at him. They walked in awkward silence, and as it grew Alfred found himself getting lost in his day dreams.

XXX Alfred's Day Dream XXX

There was a feeling that you got, when you scored a touch down, or got a really good grade on a test. It was an exhilarating feeling, that made one feel like they had accomplished something big. They felt good about themselves, like they were on the top of the world.

That was how Alfred felt the day of his eighth grade science fair, long before he had ever met Matthew. Back before he became a high school jock, and the most popular boy on campus. Back before his life started falling apart.

He had never been good enough for his father. He was trouble maker, the one who was always smiling and never taking life seriously. Alfred had never felt like his son, but that was fine with him as long as he had his friends to fall back on.

Until he won that first place ribbon.

Alfred had developed a love for science that year, and his teacher had inspired him to make a kick butt project. He didn't remember what is was about, but he knew it involved bottle rockets, and a really awesome research report he worked hours into the night perfecting. He remembered coming home, a even bigger smile than usual on his face, holding his blue ribbon like he had just won an Olympic gold medal.

He had barged into his dad's office, something that was always forbidden. His dad was hunched over a stack of important looking documents, his pen making rapid fire strokes on the page.

Alfred tried waiting but he was too excited. He ran up to the desk, and tapped his dad on the shoulder, which caused the man to jump and sent his files flying.

"Alfred, how many times do I have to tell you, this room his off limits!" Alfred could almost see his dad's face turning purple from suppressed anger. He chose to ignore it.

"I know, but this is important, " Alfred all of the sudden felt a little embarrassed. What if he had pissed him off too much? Would he even care?

"Well then spit it out boy, I don't have all day." Alfred nodded and showed him the ribbon.

" I won the science fair today," he grinned, " I worked really hard on it, and I got the highest grade in the class." He was really proud of his achievement.

His heart fell when he saw the expression on his dad's face.

"That's it? Boy I thought I told you not to come to me with trivial things. I have better things to do," the man turned around and started gathering his fallen papers.

Alfred felt his earlier excitement disappear. Why was nothing he ever did good enough? He had never voiced the question.

At least not until that day.

"Why am I not good enough for you?" he asked. His voice was small, and he wasn't sure if his dad had heard.

His dad turned to face him. His face was twisted into an annoyed expression, like Alfred was a pesky bug he wanted to get rid of.

"You will be when you do something of merit. I thought I had made that clear."

Alfred thought for a moment before opening his mouth again.

"Why don't you love me?"

His father's expression became angry and Alfred unconsciously took a step back. He had gone too far.

"Alfred I want to you to go to your room, and I don't want to hear one more word about this science fair business ever again. Do you understand me?"

Alfred nodded nervously, "Yes, sir."

He fled the room, the ribbon he had been so proud of clutched in his hand.

He slammed his bedroom door closed and leaned up against it. He stared at the ribbon in his hands, twisting it every which way. It was beautiful, and shined in different places no matter how much he tried to tear it.

It still wasn't go enough to be worth anything.

Just like him.

Alfred locked his bedroom door and made his way over to his desk. He rummaged through the drawers until he found his All-American lighter. The American flag design seemed to mock him just as much as the sports posters in his room. He would never be good enough.

His body was shaking as he leaned up against the wall next to his window and slid down it. When he was sitting he held the ribbon in the waning sunlight. So fragile.

He held the lighter up in front of the blue ribbon, watching in complete fascination as is caught fire. He dropped it on his floor, watching as it turned to ash and the fire spread to his carpet, spreading like a wild fire.

It wasn't long before his room was burning. Precious family photos from before his dad had become to involved with work crumbled and fell from their hooks. Alfred hadn't moved, he simply sat there, curled up in a ball as his plastic toys from his childhood melted and his bed caught fire. He could feel his consciousness fading as the smoke and the dancing flames lured him to sleep. He thought for a moment, that it wouldn't be such a bad way to die.

The fire was looking for more oxygen, and he could feel the lick of the flames above him, trying to melt the blinds of his partially open window. He vaguely aware of someone pounding on the door, screaming his name. He heard a crash and the terrified call of his name as his eyes closed.

XXX Alfred's P.O.V. XXX

Alfred was jerked back from his lapse into memory lane by a tug on his hand. Natalia. They had arrived at the hotel.

As they rode the elevator, Alfred thought back to that day of the fire. He didn't remember much after that, it wasn't until he had woken up in the hospital did he realize that the man that found him had not been his dad but one of the neighbors who had seen the smoke. His dad didn't even come visit him in the hospital, he was too busy trying to fix his once perfect house.

Alfred had shut the memory down after the start of freshman year. He had needed a fresh start, another chance to do something that his dad was proud of. And he had, football and sports seemed to be the perfect fit. His dad made time to go to all of his games and they always talked tactics. For a while they had felt like a family again. Even his step mom had seemed happy.

That is until Matthew had come in and messed it up.

Alfred couldn't bring himself to be angry with Matthew. Nothing had ever been his fault, and in Alfred's search of acceptance he had brought the new addition to their family down. Alfred couldn't blame Matthew for upsetting his family life, no matter how much had wanted to at the time. He had suffered too much, and now Alfred was the one standing on the earth, not Matthew.

Alfred suddenly wished he could talk to Matthew, right there and then. However he remained elusive, and Alfred wondered if he was purposely ignoring him.

He had never wanted to have a brother more than in that moment.

The elevator doors opened and Natalia once again had to force him back to reality. She asked him what was wrong, and responded with his usual smile. He didn't trust himself to speak.

Natalia took his head in her hands and forced him to look at her. Alfred stared back, wondering just what exactly she was doing.

She didn't say anything either, she simply stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. He kissed back automatically, grateful for the distraction.

The door to Kiku's room opened and they pulled apart. Lovino was glaring at them and letting out angry huffing noises.

"We were waiting for you. Now get the f-ck inside," he demanded.

**And I'm going to stop right there for now... **

**I'm not really sure where this chapter came from... my mind is strange. **

**I'll do my best to update more often :D I have a new writing notebook so I should be able to remind myself to update by writing my rough drafts there. **

**I'm going to try and pick up the pace on this story, mostly because it seems to be dragging on forever. :P**

**I'll see you next time. R & R**


	24. Chapter 24

**I'm going to be perfectly honest here... I have no idea where this chapter came from...**

**I've been pulled into the Rise of the Guardian's fandom... and i wanna write fanfiction for it...**

**CONFLICTION**

**OK HERE YA GO ENJOY THE CRAPINESS**

XXX Lovino XXX

To be honest the news for MeiMei's pregnancy didn't really shock him, and Lovino had left the room as soon as he possibly could. The atmosphere was too happy for his liking; it reminded him of his brother. He stalked down the hallway alone, hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to suppress the emotions that had been bubbling inside him since his conversation with Antonio. At the end of the hallway he found a window. It was dirty but it gave him a pretty good view of the street. He looked out at the happy civilians, angry with himself for not being able to be down there with them. Instead he was running away from all of his problems. He had always been told that running away was never the answer, but what was he supposed to do when trying to face them made him want to be suicidal? He sighed and sat down on the floor underneath the window, staring down the empty hallway. They would have to leave soon, before people started looking for them and asking questions. He closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that no one would come find him.

It wasn't sure how long he sat there before the sound of footsteps reached his ears and he opened his eyes. Kiku was standing in front of him, a small smile on his face.

"Come on Lovino, we're leaving."

Lovino closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Just go on without me."

Kiku blinked and stared at Lovino, putting down the bag he was carrying. Lovino put his head on his knees and tried to ignore Kiku as he sat down next to him.

"Lovino are you alright?"

Lovino knew Kiku was trying to be helpful but he didn't trust himself to speak. He felt like what he was doing was wrong. Of the group he felt like the odd one out anyways. Maybe it would be better if he went back.

"Lovino…" Kiku put and hand on his shoulder and Lovino looked into his sincere eyes. He felt like he and Kiku had gotten a little bit closer during this entire endevor, and all of the sudden Kiku's blank face was easy to read.

"I'm tired of running away from my problems. Not just now…. But my whole life. I need to go back and fix things."

Kiku nodded, understanding. He pressed some bills into Lovino's hands and gave him an encouraging smile.

"If that's what you want then I'm not going to stop you. That should help pay for the bus fare," Kiku stood up and looked out the window.

"I'm not going to ask you why, but I hope that you know what you're doing. I don't want you to get hurt anymore." Kiku offered Lovino his hand and he took it, struggling to his feet.

"I hope we see each other again," Lovino told him.

Kiku smiled at him, "I hope so too."

Lovino was going to turn and leave but he was stopped as Kiku's small arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a hug. Lovino was surprised, Kiku never hugged anyone except MeiMei. Lovino slowly hugged him back, until Alfred called for them down the hallyway. Kiku smiled at him after they pulled away, patted him on the shoulder.

"See you…" said Lovino.

Kiku nodded, "Good-bye, Lovino."

Lovino watched until Kiku disappeared and turned to look at the bus station he could see out the window. He stood there to wait until the other's got on, watching them with a sad expression as they pulled away. He was alone.


	25. Chapter 25: Reunion

**Hey guys! I'm back!**

**Moving sucks, and so does switching schools. Seriously I have been SO BUSY!**

**I'm hoping to end this story soon, if my Jack Frost blog ( ask the sexy jack frost) (( it's on tumblr just remove the spaces and add . tumblr .com)) doesn't keep distracting me...**

**Anyho... I think I actually have an idea for an Epilogue... which tells you how close we are getting to the end... I'm not sure how close just yet though... I'll let you know when I get there...**

**Anyways~ ENJOY~**

Alfred was a little frustrated with Lovino. Kiku had refused to say anything as to why Lovino had chosen to go back until they were sitting outside an empty train station in some other state. To be honest Alfred had lost track of where they were a long time ago. Kiku had seemed to sense Alfred's short fuse, and had decided to stay quiet until Lovino was well on his way home.

Alfred bit his lip, biting back angry, sarcastic remarks as the others discussed their next move. Alfred had a friend in California that he had been meaning to pay a visit too so he had simply laid the option out on the table before retreating from the conversation into the safety of his own mind. As safe as his mind could ever get anyways, since his ghost brother liked talking to him.

Alfred was getting even more frustrated with the twin, who was whispering in his ears to follow Lovino back home. He had no interest, he wanted freedom and new scenery, and he was certain that the others did too. Maybe one day he would go back, but as of right now he wanted to get as far away as humanly possible.

He saw Kiku get up and talk to a man over at the ticket counter, money exchanging hands for train tickets, the man giving them suspicious looks because of their lack of luggage and general ragged appearance.

"The next train comes in about an hour, then we're leaving the East Coast behind for good. You can still back out if you want."

It took Alfred a moment to realize that Kiku was dressing the entire group. Arthur shook his head and gave Alfred a worried look, which Alfred stubbornly ignored. He heard Natalia whisper something in MeiMei's ear, who simply shook her head. The group was mostly silent without the angry Italian teen, who by now would have some angry, provoking comment. It was like he took all the life out of the group when he left.

Alfred sighed and rested his face in his hands, hearing the bench creak underneath his shifting weight.

"Where exactly are we headed?" Arthur asked.

Kiku tossed him the stack of tickets, and Arthur caught them with ease.

"The train stops in Flagstaff, Arizona and, from there we are switching lines and heading to Los Angeles, California. You said you had a friend there Alfred?"

Alfred nodded, finally looking up and meeting Kiku's concerned gaze.

"You've been acting strange all day. Are you alright?"

Alfred almost didn't trust himself to speak but he found himself opening his mouth.

"I'm fine. Just… stressed out, that's all."

Kiku didn't seem to be convinced but he let it go, taking a seat next to MeiMei on the other available bench, who was in deep conversation with Natalia.  
>Alfred closed his eyes again, leaning back in his bench. He heard Arthur get up off the ground and take a seat next to him, forcing him to open his eyes and scoot over to make room.<p>

"How much longer till the train gets here?" Alfred muttered.

"About ten minutes. Are you sure you're alright?"

Alfred tried to read the tone of Arthur's voice for any insincerity, but he found none. Not that he was expecting to.

"I can't stop thinking about why Lovino left us…. We'd already gotten so far, why turn back?"

Arthur seemed to take a second to ponder this thought before responding, not looking Alfred.

"He probably just missed his family. Lovino may have had his own share of problems to run away from, but Italians are very family oriented. He would never admit it, but he was probably worried about Feliciano and how he was getting on without him,"

Alfred made a non committal sound in the back of his throat, not entirely agreeing, but seeing his point.

"I miss my own brothers and sister terribly, so I would understand his reasoning…."

"No," Alfred interjected, "I don't think that's entirely it, maybe part of the reason, but not all of the reason."

When Arthur didn't respond, Alfred took it as a cue to keep talking.

"Kiku said that Lovino was tired from running from his problems. Isn't that what we're doing? Running from our problems, instead of facing them head on? If that was his reasoning, we should be turning back too right?"

Arthur pursed his lips, and gave him a serious look that almost drove Alfred over the edge.

"Where would you go, Alfred? The rest of us, save maybe Kiku, would have a place to return to. You ran out on a police officer, and you don't have family there anymore. Do you really think anyone would accept you back with open arms? You don't exactly hold the best reputation there anymore… not since your father's death."

Alfred stood up, and got in Arthur's face, finally cracking under the pressure of frustration, and anger.

"Why?! Because I had to kill him in self defense?! What else was I supposed to do Arthur?! You tell me!"

Arthur chose to keep his mouth shut, looking away from him at some unknown spot in the distance.

"Don't ignore me! Arthur!"

His blood boiled as the British boy crossed his legs and keep looking away, a distant expression on his face. Alfred felt a fit of pure rage over come him and he lashed out at him, barely registering Natalia and Kiku's gasps and MeiMei's shriek as his fist connected with the side of Arthur's face.

Arthur touched his cheek in vague surprise and stood, leaning his face upward to look Alfred in the eyes.

"Maybe you should think about someone other than yourself for once…."

Arthur walked by him, leaving Alfred staring at the glass window of the train station, looking into his own shocked expression. The roar of the train was starting to come closer and he could hear the others' preparing to leave. He blinked and for a moment he could see Matthew in the glass, before he disappeared, the train's reflection taking his place instead.

"Alfred?! You coming or what?"

Alfred turned around to see Arthur waving his arm, the others in the process of boarding.

Alfred swallowed, and slowly started to walk over to him. How was he going to apologize for this one?

Especially when Arthur was right.

XXX Lovino's POV XXX

Lovino was standing outside the door to his house, taking in its utter and complete darkness. He had never seen it quite like this before. The Vargas household was always so vibrant and full of life, to the point of annoying their neighbors well into the night, even on school nights. To see it so… quiet was unnerving.

Never the less, Lovino took a deep breath and raised his hand to the doorbell pausing just millimeters from pressing the button. Now that he was actually standing there he was starting to have his doubts. What if being around his family again made him go into relapse? He didn't want to feel the need to pull out those razors ever again. He needed help, and he needed his family.

Maybe now, they would actually listen to him.

Lovino pressed the doorbell, trying to quell his anxiety as the light in his brother's room came on. This surprised Lovino because his brother was heavy sleeper and it was hard to get him up even with force equivalent to an entire SWATT team shaking him. He was still thinking about this when the porch light turned on and the door opened, revealing the surprised face of Feliciano, who was wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt that he obviously been sleeping in.

The twins stood there for a moment, just staring at each other. Lovino found the silence uncomfortable.

"Feli-"

He was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around him and a loud wailing filling his ears. For once, Lovino didn't find the sound to be annoying, but instead he found it to be heartwarming. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed his little brother. He felt his own eyes fill with tears as pounding footsteps came down the stairs, calling out words of concern. He let the tears spill out as he felt his Mother's delicate hands wrap around the two of them, the three of them slowly sinking to the ground in a mess of tears and tangled flesh as they let all of their emotions out in one water logged display. Lovino, for once, didn't mind the familial closeness. He had one arm trapped up against Feliciano by his mother's body, his other hand grabbing at some part of his mother's shirt, hand shaking. His sleeves had been pushed up, exposing his still healing scars to his Mother's eyes for the first time. She was the first to pull away, gently prying Feliciano off of Lovino, despite his protests. He gently took Lovino's arm, forcing him to scoot closer to her, the coolness of the concrete sinking into his legs.

She pushed up the sleeves of his jacket, and Lovino let her, exposing himself as much as he could to the woman he never thought he would ever be able to trust like this. She didn't cry, which Lovnio was thankful for. She released his arms and he horridly pushed his sleeves back down, staring at his feet.

"Figlio mio (My son)….." she whispered, "Lovino, look at me, please."

Lovino met his mother's gaze; her eyes were so much like his that it almost hurt to look at her.

"Lovino… I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, I never treated you the same way I treat Feliciano. I just want you to know that I love you, and I you're going through a lot right now. I want to help you. I should have seen the signs that something was wrong, and I know it may take you a while before you trust me again. I'm not asking you to forgive me for my actions; all I'm asking is that you let me have a chance to be the mother I should have been to you. Please, Lovino I-"

Lovino cut her off with a hug, knowing she could ramble like Feliciano when she was upset. He had heard all he needed to.

He heard her gasp in surprise and she hugged him back, not holding back as she squeezed him as hard as she dared. Lovino pulled away first, simply taking a moment to memorize the details of his mother's face for the first time.

He was brought back to reality by Feliciano, who grabbed his sleeve and looked up at him with determination filling his eyes.

"I want to help you too, Fratello… I know I'm useless… but I'll do my best. I don't want to see you hurt like this anymore."

Lovino felt his lips crack into a smile, and he got to his feet, helping his brother stand and pulling him into a fast embrace.

"You're not useless. You're the best brother I could ever ask for, Feliciano."

He felt Feliciano's nails dig into his skin as he buried his face in Lovino's shoulder.

"Grazie, Fratello."


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys! **

**This chapter was supposed to have two parts, but I lost inspiration at the end. So this is pretty much filler...**

**Teaser for the next chapter at the end. I promise there will be more action soon. **

XXX KIKU'S POV XXX

Kiku shifted in his seat, wrapping his arm over MeiMei's shoulders. Her head was leaning on his chest as she slept, and Kiku was using the moment of peace to sort through his thoughts.

He was worried about Alfred. Neither he nor Arthur had spoken to each other since they had gotten on the train. Alfred was stubbornly glaring out the window, ignoring any attempts Arthur made to talk to him. Even Natalia, who had seated herself next to Alfred, could get through to him.

Kiku sighed and glanced out the window next to him. The scenery was slowly changing from urban East Coast to the farms of the Midwest. They had stopped multiple times already to exchange passengers, and to let one very drunk man off the train. However, now, he didn't have anything to keep his mind from wandering.

He couldn't help but wonder about school. Had people noticed that they were gone? Where they worried? He knew MeiMei's family would be. But what about the other's? Their teachers, their friends? There was no way they could go back now, they were way to far along in their journey for that. That didn't stop him from thinking about it though.

He stroked MeiMei's hair. Yao was probably beyond furious and going crazy with worry. He would play it off as nothing, but his family would know. Kiku could almost see him, pacing and breaking things when he thought he was alone. He was probably pestering the police constantly, wanting to know where his precious little sister was.

The thought broke Kiku's heart. He didn't mean things to turn out like this. He was sure MeiMei missed her family just as much as they missed her.

This thought put other ideas in his head. Mostly thoughts regarding their child and the possibility of them having a life together. Not like they were now. A more permanent life.

Kiku shook his head, clearing the thoughts away. He needed to focus on the here and now, not the future.

"Are you okay?"

Kiku looked down at MeiMei, who was looking up at him with worry. He sent her a small smile and kissed her forehead.

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Us…." He said.

"What about us? Or you just going to push me away again?"

"I don't push you away, MeiMei."

"Not all the time. Just about the important things. It's hard to get inside your head. You never let anyone in it."

Kiku sighed, he knew it was true, and he knew it needed to change. He had always had a time being open with people, even the people he trusted more than anyone else.

"I'm sorry," he told her, his voice soft.

He honestly didn't know what else to say. He didn't know how to make up for years of living with this problem. He had been this way since he was a child. How does someone change something that is a part of who they are?

"You don't need to be sorry, I just wish you would trust me more."

"I do trust you," Kiku said, growing a little desperate, "Why would you think that I didn't?"

MeiMei looked away, "You know why."

Kiku kissed her cheek, enjoying the sight of the slight blush which covered her skin.

"You can't stay mad at me forever."

MeiMei laughed softly and nuzzled into his chest.

"No, I can't."

**Teaser **

XXX Alfred XXX

Alfred kept his gaze fixated on a space outside the window. He was aware of Natalia's gaze and Arthur's frustrated sighs when Alfred wouldn't respond to him. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to say anything stupid. The thought of the sheer effort of conversation made him want to break down and scream...

Why did everything he said come out so wrong?

**End of Teaser**


	27. Chapter 27

**It's short but I promised myself I would update today.**

**This will probably be the last train ride chapter so if you were bored with nothing happening... that will change very soon :3**

XXX Alfred XXX

Alfred kept his gaze fixated on a space outside the window. He was aware of Natalia's gaze and Arthur's frustrated sighs when Alfred wouldn't respond to him. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to say anything stupid. The thought of the sheer effort of conversation made him want to break down and scream.

Why did everything he say come out so wrong? He didn't want to be angry. In fact he hated it. So why was it such an integrated part of his personality?

He let out a heavy sigh. The train ride was proving to be nothing but long and boring. He couldn't wait until they hit the Southwest and could finally get off.

It was not until they had a longer stop in Topeka, Kansas, a little more than a day later that Alfred finally spoke.

"Are we there yet, Artie?"

It was something which was more than he could have bothered with a day ago. Besides he knew he would get a reaction out of the Brit. He could feel Natalia stir in her sleep next to him at his outburst and he made a mental note to be quieter.

"Of all the things to say after all this time and that is the ONLY intelligent thing you could come up with? I swear Alfred…" Arthur let out a sigh, "Of course we are not there yet. Does this look like the desert to you?"

"Not all of Arizona is desert you know."

"Shut up git I'm tired."

"But I wanna talk."

"Then talk to someone else."

"But I wanna talk to you…"

The last sentence was soft, but he knew Arthur had heard him.

Arthur sighed and leaned forward so that their faces where closer.

"Then I'm listening."

This wasn't the reaction that Alfred had been expecting at all, especially since he was going out of his way to be annoying.

"You're right," Alfred blurted out. He wasn't sure why he had said it; he hadn't wanted to bring their argument up.

But now the words were spoken and there was not taking them back. He could see disbelief in Arthur's eyes and one of his eyebrows was almost disappearing into his hairline, which was a feat.

"And what exactly am I right about?"

"What you said…. I really should think about the rest of you too… I'm sorry."

Arthur gave him a small smile, "Don't be. I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you. I think we are all just a little stressed out right now."

Alfred smiled back, glad that that hole in their relationship was fixed. Natalia shifted in her sleep so she was sleeping on his shoulder and he blushed. He tried to hide his expression but Arthur caught it.

"I don't understand why two just don't make it official."

Alfred face turned redder and he shot him a look.

"Shut up…"

'It's a valid statement," Arthur smirked, "You two obviously have a thing for each other."

"Artie please, what if she wakes up?!"

"I'm just teasing you, Alfred calm down…"

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the clack wheels.

"But you didn't deny it."

"Can it Arthur!"


	28. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

**Ok I am taking this opportunity to apologize for my lack of updates. **

**I won't make excuses, I'm just lazy so I am going to get a few points across..**

**1. As of this moment my only active stories are Tales of Mischief and Remember Me. I may update some others if I have time, but as of right now those two are my priorities. I would never get anything done otherwise.**

**2.I'm writing a Doctor Who fanfic... It contains OC's and I'm not sure if I should post it or not... It delves into the possibility of 11 and River having a child and the possibility of 10.2 and Rose having kids. Usual running, people getting killed, and enemies to defeat... I'm just wondering if anyone would read it.**

**3. Summer has just started for me (technically in two days but they're half days so they don't count)... but I'm taking some online latin courses before its over, so I'll try and update as often as I can before that slows me down. I'll also be a senior... oh boy**

**4. I'm going to Anime Expo here in Cali... I'm going as Jack Frost. Anyone going to be there?**

**5. Please, don't give up on me. I'm a lazy little shit but I promise to do my best in the upcoming chapters. **

**I guess that's it. I'll get back to writing updates :) Look forward to it**

**Love~**

**ZeroLuver**


	29. Chapter 29: an actual chapter this time

**Look guys an actual update!**

XXX Alfred XXX

Alfred wasn't sure when they had hit Arizona. He and Arthur had become so engrossed in conversation that he hadn't even noticed that they had crossed state lines. At some point in the 24 hours trip from Kansas he had slept… he knew that much. In fact he was just now waking up, bleary eyed.

"Where are we?" he asked, adjusting his glasses.

"Flagstaff, Northern Arizona," said Arthur, forcing him out of his seat.

"Come on, we have to find an alternate mode of transportation," Natalia told him softly.

"The tracks don't end here," Alfred complained.

"Yeah, but our flow of cash does," said Arthur, "So unless you have some great idea, we have to get off."

Alfred groaned. The prospect of getting up after sitting for so long was not appealing in the slightest. A man has to do what a man has to do he guesses. He forced himself out of the chair, and tentatively took Natalia's hand as they followed the others off the train.

Once they were off and the other passengers had left they stood together on the empty platform, listening to the cars go by and feeling the midday sun beat down on them.

"So… what now."

Kiku was the first to respond to Alfred's question.

"We take our remaining money, we find a café, sit down, eat and make a plan."

"Sounds good to me," MeiMei said.

A look across the street revealed a cluster of various shops and restaurants, perfect for their needs. Alfred could practically smell the burgers and French fries cooking at the McDonalds. The area was not particularly crowded for a college town. They must be having one of those off days.

"Well are we just going to stand here? Cause if we are I'm ditching you all and buying a Big Mac, and a large fry."

That spurned the group into action although there were some very strong protests about his choice of fast food, mostly from Arthur.

"You're going to kill yourself one day," Arthur grumbled.

"Haven't died yet," Alfred shot him a bright grin. Natalia tugged on his arm, bringing his attention back to the crosswalk.

"Git," Arthur muttered.

"Tea-lover," Alfred shot back.

"Bugger off."

XXX Lovino XXX

Lovino was not, in any sense of the word, excited to be returning to school. He knew from Feliciano that right after they had run off the rumors had flown. Most concerned Alfred, after all he was still popular, and the news of him murdering his father had done nothing more than to boost his not necessarily in a positive way. Lovino was glad he hadn't convinced the others to come back. At least he would take the frontal blow of abuse. With luck he may even live to tell the tale.

Lovino was standing in the parking lot, staring at the open doors. None of the students had noticed him yet, they were too preoccupied. The only thing keeping him from running away was Feliciano's hand in his.

"If you're not ready we can go home Lovino. There is no need to push yourself."

Yes there was.

Because he had to face this sooner or later.

He had to face his fears.

And that included taking the first step of walking through that door.

"Lovino?"

No.

"Lovi is that you?"

He couldn't deal with this.

"Fratello?" Feliciano whisphered.

"Bastard," Lovino spat. Antonio had stopped about 10 feet away from where they were standing. He looked sad, hurt and confused. And sorry.

"You have the nerve to look so apologetic after what you did to me. Do you have ANY idea what I've been put through because of you?! Any at all?!"

Antonio didn't say anything, but took a few steps closer, his long legs cutting the distance between them in half. He looked unsure, like he was completely aware of Lovino's emotional state and didn't want to cross too many boundaries. Since when had he become so attuned to other people's emotions?

"Don't come any closer," Lovino snapped. The last thing he wanted was for the bastard to touch him. Because then he would break, his heart shattering into a million pieces again. And Antonio would pick up the pieces. He always did.

"Lovino… I'm sorry. I know that probably doesn't mean anything, especially now but for what its worth…" Antonio glanced at his feet and kicked at a rock.

Lovino didn't understand, why would the one person he had ever really trusted, the same person who had broken that trust time and time again want to apologize. It's not like he had some overnight change of heart.

"I can talk to her you know. I can try and fix my mistakes…"

"No," that's not what Lovino wanted.

He wanted him to go away.

So he would never get attached again. So he could find someone else to lean on and someone else to fix him.

Until that time came he wanted Antonio as far away as possible.

Antonio flinched at his word but he seemed resigned, like he was expecting it.

"I thought you would say that…"

"What's done is done. I don't want you running off and doing something stupid to try and fix past transgressions."

Lovino took a deep breath and he felt Feliciano tighten the grip on his hand. This next part was going to be hard.

"I want you to leave…."

The words hadn't left Lovnio's mouth, it was his little brother's. And in that moment he was grateful for it. Because Lovino had just been about to tell Antonio to stay. His own heart would have betrayed his brain.

"Feli-"

"My brother is in no condition to have a relationship with you, as broken as it may be. Maybe later but not now. Not until I know he's okay. I won't stand for it."

Antonio but his lip and Lovino was dying inside. All he wanted to do was run over to him and tell him he was forgiven, that they could start over.

But he couldn't. He couldn't set himself to be hurt all over again.

"But is that what he wants?" Antonio asked. They locked eyes and everything in Lovino was screaming at him to deny it, to say no.

But in the end his brain won over his heart and he opened his mouth.

"Yes… I can't forgive you. Not yet. I'm sorry."

Antonio clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

"In that case I'll leave you alone. But just so you know," Antonio took another step closer and Lovino took a step back. Don't touch him please. He can't afford to break down. His resolve would crumble and he would be right back to where they had started.

He saw that flicker of sadness and pain at being rejected in Antonio's eyes as the Spaniard backed off.

"I'll be waiting for you. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here. Maybe one day we can restore what we had. Until then."

Then suddenly Antonio crossed the distance between them and placed an unwanted kiss on his forehead.

"Te Amo Lovi."

**So yeah I lied…. I kinda want to add some implied (or not) Spamano in here now (or again I guess, seeing as that was the original plan back when I like the pairing)…. Which breaks the no yaoi rule. But I don't know if I will or not. For now, Antonio's kiss is a gesture of apology and extension of friendship. Nothing more. **


	30. Chapter 30

**New chapter! Yay!**

Natalia's POV

Natalia hated fast food. Didn't matter what kind, or who made it. It was all greasy and fattening. Her brother had always said that American's didn't have taste buds, therefore she had never even stepped within 20 feet of a McDonalds.

Except for the first time in her life, her brother wasn't here, trying to run her life and make her decisions for her. So when she took that first bite of her McDonald's Ranch BLT, she felt like she was finally leaving him behind for good. On her right, she could hear Alfred laughing at her expression. She glared at him, and went back to eating her food. She sure has hell wasn't going to admit that she liked it. Especially to him.

"So what's the plan?" Arthur was poking at his salad like it had a disease.

"You do know that salads at this place actually have more fat in them than the buggers right?" Kiku was sharing his French Fries with MeiMei. Natalia tried not to be jealous. She'd always wanted a relationship like theirs, but of course her brother had put an end to any ideas of romance.

"It feels strange," she said softly. All talk of planning ceased and the group looked at her quizzically. She had been silent for most of the trip.

"What does, Nat?"

She chose not to comment on Alfred's choice of nickname.

"This does. Freedom. Making our own decisions. Not having anyone there to pick up the pieces if we make the wrong ones. Doesn't that bother any of you?"

"I choose not to think about it," said Arthur, "Because then my resolve would crumble and I would want to turn back."

"What brought this on?" MeiMei asked. Natalia shrugged.

"I was just thinking about Ivan. That's all. I wonder how he's getting on without me."

"Natalia…. Ivan was never the best brother, least of all to you. You know that."

"He's still my brother, Alfred, I have every right to worry about him. Last I checked your relationship with Matthew wasn't exactly sunshine and roses either."

She had struck a nerve and she knew it. But he had no right to criticize her for worrying about Ivan. She was her own person, with her own thoughts and feelings. He didn't own her.

She could sense the others watching them like a tennis match as Alfred's face turned red. He got angry off so easily, especially in matters concerning Matt. Natalia wondered vaguely why she had fallen for him.

"And he's dead Natalia, okay. Dead. I don't like it. I feel guilty as hell about it but it's the harsh reality. And you know what. So is everyone else. My dad, my real mom. Our families are long gone, far behind us. They're all gone!"

"And whose fault is that!" Natalia turned on him, watching him shrink back under her accusation.

"Nat…"

"I wasn't finished. Did you ever stop and think that if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be here? We would still be back home, completely unaware of each others existence. I only came with you because I thought you were worth something. As a friend. As a human being. Because everything you've ever said about Ivan has always been horribly true. Because you've always been kind to me. But all you've done on the whole trip is whine, and yell and complain like it's all about you. News flash. Its not. And I don't think I want to be here anymore," Natalia stood up, slamming her hands on the table. She was completely aware that Alfred was going to follow her out the door. She half wanted him too.

She was out in the parking lot when he caught up to her.

"Natalia please. Wait."

She froze on the spot but didn't turn around.

"You can't change my mind."

"That doesn't mean I'm not going to try. Nat, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around recently. There's no excuse for that. I never wanted to hurt you. Because the truth is I really like you. I love talking to you. You're a wonderful person. I love everything about you. The others need you too, Natalia. So please… don't leave."

Natalia took his words in slowly. It almost sounded like…like a confession. She turned around and gave him a long look over. His blonde hair was in a dirty disarray. His glasses had gone askew in his haste to reach her, and he hadn't bothered to fix them. His eyes were fixed on her, pleading.

Damn it. Why did she always succumb to him? Was she really that weak?

She walked up to him and fixed his glasses. She caught a slight blush covering his cheeks. He was always so cute when he was flustered.

"How am I supposed to walk away when you're look at me like that? Damn you Alfred. You're making this a lot harder than it needs to be."

"Then don't make it hard. Make the easy choice. Stay."

"Give me a good reason," she played with the zipper of his jacket, keeping her eyes fixated on his chest. She really didn't have any intentions to leave anymore. She just wanted to hear him say it.

"I…"

Natalia sighed and wrapped her arms around his torso, listening to his racing heartbeat. She felt his own arms wrap around her, returning the hug.

"Because I love you,"

She closed her eyes and just let him hold her for a moment. She was certain their little ragtag family was watching them from the window. She didn't mind. Because that's what they were. A family. Broken as they were, they were stuck together.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

**Next couple of chapters will take a look at whats going on with Matt and Lovino, as well as the BTT. We are nearing the stories climax soon here. Thank you for being patient with me though out this little adventure. **

**Until next time!**

**~ZeroLuver~**


End file.
